10 Useless Business Buzz Words

1/7/13 7:15AM EST

10 Useless Business Buzz Words 10 Useless Business Buzz Words

From catchy marketing pitches to standard office memorandums, it seems that our entire universe has succumbed to the use of buzzwords. Whether you are “LOL-ing” on Twitter or “problem solving” in a corporate boardroom, you have likely heard (and loathed) some of these overused catch phrases. While there may be a few that are worth using, some are just entirely useless and should be retired immediately. Here is my top 10 most useless buzzword list!

1. Dynamic
In all of my years in the business world, there are only a few individuals that I have worked with who were truly dynamic. Yet, glance over a stack of resumes and you are sure to see this word used repeatedly. From “dynamic” performance to “dynamic” results, I can honestly say that this word is a “dynamic” disaster.

2. Issues
Why is it that everyone and everything now has “issues” to deal with? Is it no longer OK to call something a problem or a challenge or downright fucked up? Are we so afraid of our own dysfunction that we feel the need to sugar coat it with a word like “issues”? Houston, we have an “issue” with this buzzword!

3. Viral
From cat videos that spread like wildfire on YouTube to gadgets and ideas that everyone wants to copy, the world seems to love a “viral” anything. But does this word really stand up to the hype? I think not. Can’t we find a better term to express our interest that doesn’t have its root in disease, illness, and all things morbid?

4. Track Record
Of all the buzzwords that I hear daily, I think I hate this one the most. It paints a picture in my head of someone grading and recording everything I do and then using it against me for all eternity. It insinuates that the some of all my accomplishments, mistakes, and life lessons can be easily quantified and then presented…perhaps with a graph. Can we please just go back to words like experience and reputation? Please… and thank you.

5. Epic
When I was in school, the only things considered “epic” were literary works like “The Odyssey.” Now we have “epic” everything. From “epic” dates, “epic” ideas, and “epic” friends, to “epic” sales, “epic” CEO’s, and “epic” business plans. As far as I am concerned, using this buzzword should be considered an “epic” fail.

6. To Be Honest (TBH)
Do we really live in a world that is so overcome with falseness that there is a genuine need to preface statements with “to be honest”? And if not, please quit using it. To be honest, I hate this buzzword.

7. With All Due Respect
If you are looking for useless, then you have arrived with this buzzword. Why do people feel that prefacing something bad-mannered, uncouth, and just plain rude with this phrase should suddenly make it OK to say? With all due respect, this expression is shit.

8. Noodle
As strange and useless of a buzzword as this is, it somehow manages to get double exposure in the world of jargon. Not only do people use it in reference to a brain, head, or mind (such as “that’s using your noodle”), but it also is expanded to mean ideas and thoughts as well (“I’ll noodle it over and get back to you”). But with all the interesting and fascinating expressions of vocabulary available in the English language, this is one word that we don’t need to “noodle” over using.

9. Wow Factor
I just don’t understand this buzzword at all… in fact, I don’t think anyone really does. A “wow factor,” it seems, is some over the top amazing-ness that people want but don’t know how to explain. It kind of lends to the idea of “I’ll know it when I see it.” While this is great and all for the one speaking, what the hell is everyone else supposed to do with this incommunicable perfection that you desire? Exactly… so save us all the confusion and eliminate this word completely.

10. Hump Day
Traditionally, this term was used to identify Wednesday, or the third day of a five day workweek. It was an acknowledgement that the week was more than half over and therefore a positive thing. While I get the terminology and I even appreciate the picture it paints, it really has outlived its usefulness. With the craziness of today’s schedules and always linked mobile communications, there really is no such thing as a “hump day” for many people anymore.

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