13 Surprisingly Spot-On Dating Lessons We Can Learn From ‘American Pie’

13 Surprisingly Spot-On Dating Lessons We Can Learn From ‘American Pie’


Universal Pictures/American Pie

Universal Pictures/American Pie

“American Pie” is a story about four male best friends in high school who make a pact to lose their virginity (not together) by prom night. Jim (played by Jason Biggs) is the central character of sorts, but all four’s journey toward sex get plenty of attention. Spoiler alert: They all succeed, but not necessarily in the ways they expected to (shocker).

The nostalgic, juvenile film about misogynistic teenage boys trying to get laid for the first time would be the last place that most smart people would turn to for dating tips. However, for all the dumb people out there who looked for love or sex or something with “American Pie” as their guidebook, they might just be in luck… “might” being a key word here.

1. The “geek” is always more experienced at sex than some might imagine.

“Geek” is usually code for people who are interesting, smart and have cool hobbies. These are usually qualities that attract mates; don’t forget that Alyson Hannigan’s band member character Michelle has enough experience to coach central character Jim out of his virginity.

2. Sharing a talent with the woman you’re into will get you very far.

Chris, aka “Oz,” played by Chris Klein, gets close to Heather (Mena Suvari) by joining the choir with her. Yes, having things in common with people (such as common talents and common experiences) can bring you closer together.

3. Porn will not serve as a realistic expectation for any relationship.

Though Jim had plenty of Hustler magazines to help him learn about the female anatomy, they didn’t help him get anywhere with women in real life, a fact illustrated by the gorgeous exchange student Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) using them to pleasure herself in his bed, a moment that he does not successfully seize.

4. Taking dating advice from your father will serve to confuse more than to help.

Jim’s dad (Eugene Levy) will scare anyone away from taking their father’s antiquated dating advice. Plus, many father figures tend to get stiff when talking about this stuff, therefore perhaps failing to provide the most straightforward wisdom.

5. The hot girl isn’t automatically the best girl to date.

Jim ends up falling for Michelle over Nadia. A woman being hot isn’t a sign that she’s meant for you… it’s a sign that you’re likely to mistakenly think she is.

6. You can’t force your way into a relationship…

Jim couldn’t force things with Nadia and Paul (Eddie Kaye Thomas) couldn’t get a date just by spreading mysterious rumors about himself. Tricks don’t help.

7. …but trying hard can pay off.

When all the guys make a pact to lose their virginity on prom night, they actually end up doing it, even sort of getting girlfriends in the process in some cases. Not sure that these teenagers went about this in at all advisable ways, but in real life, if you keep going on dates and putting yourself out there, you’re bound to meet someone eventually (as opposed to giving up on your worthless self and settling for Netflix, Cheetos and video games instead).

8. Older woman are better at sex.

The iconic Stifler’s mom, played by Jennifer Coolidge, notes that she likes men the way she likes her wine: “Aged 18 years.” Though that might seem a little off, it’s no surprise that she gives the 18-year-old boy in question here (Finch) a great erotic time because she’s had more practice than girls who are just finishing up high school.

9. Giving good head will get you more dates.

Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) puts a good amount of effort into learning how to give his girlfriend amazing head. He succeeds.

10. So will being giving in the bedroom.

Seriously, focusing only on your own pleasure will get you nowhere, which most teenage boys have no idea how to get beyond aiming for. Unfortunately, Kevin only does this in the movie because he thinks it will eventually get him laid, which is a very shitty motivation.

11. The kind of person you were attracted to in high school will not be the kind of person you’re looking for as an adult (or even just in college).

Vicky (Tara Reid) realizes this in the sequel. Good for her; her high school boyfriend sucked.

12. Allure and mystery will get you first dates, but maybe not second ones.

Finch enlists Natasha Lyonne’s Jessica to help him spread rumors about himself around school, creating an air of mystique about him that initially captivates his classmates but doesn’t hold up in the face of, er, adversity.

13. If you ended things with your high school sweetheart after high school, she will have likely moved onto someone more impressive than you.

Again, Vicky gets the bigger picture in the sequel, and Kevin realizes that his selfish little high school self can’t compare to the cultivated college men his ex-girlfriend will ultimately meet. In real life, this means that if you break up with someone solely because you think you can do better, the person you broke up with definitely can.

 
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