15 People You Don’t Want In Your Life Past 30

6/17/14 11:08AM EST

Universal Pictures/The Change-Up

Universal Pictures/The Change-Up

Your 20s are a hell of a time, although most of us probably wouldn’t choose to live them over again if given the chance. It’s a decade loaded with fun—legal booze, illegal drugs, disposable incomes and sex without dating—but it’s also filled with a series of glorious mistakes that (hopefully) don’t bear repeating.

As adverse as I am to conventional maturity, we all have to grow the fuck up at some point, and these days, the age of 30 is about as late as you can last without at least starting down the path to adulthood. An important step along that road is getting rid of the stuff that’s slowing you down. And by stuff, I mean people. Specifically, what the pop-psychology community refers to as “toxic people.” Let’s take a look at some of those assholes and kick them to the curb.

1. The Crazy Girlfriend

Yes, sex with crazy women is amazing, but you really need to get it out of your system in your 20s. There’s more to relationships than great sex, but youth makes it hard for that to compute.

2. The Instigator

This is the guy who waits for everyone to get drunk enough, then comes up with a great idea for mischief or general tomfoolery. But when the time comes to explain yourself to the cops, this douchebag is notably absent. You can live without him.

3. The Shitty Boss

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A person who berates you, makes you work unreasonably long hours and shows no appreciation for anything you do is not someone you want to work for. You do it because you have to, and by the time you hit 30, you need to be far enough along in your career that you shouldn’t have to anymore.

4. The Naysayer

“You can’t do that,” “It’s not realistic,” “That won’t work.” These are the slogans of unimaginative assholes who want to bring everyone down to their own miserable level. You don’t belong down there.

5. The Drama Queen

And this doesn’t just mean women. Dudes can be drama queens, too. Anyone who inflates any given situation to unreasonable levels has no place in your life. Dealing with these people is exhausting and by 30, you have more important things to spend your energy on.

6. The Hater

When we’re young, we hate a lot of stuff and really seem to enjoy bitching about it. Movies, music, TV shows—everything sucks. But if you’re over 30 and still hanging around some troll who can’t seem to get an ounce of enjoyment out of anything in life, get with the ditching.

7. The Fair-Weather Friend

When things are going well, this guy’s always around. When you’re down, he’s mysteriously absent. This jackass is not a real friend and you know it. Give him a taste of his own medicine and let his texts and calls go unanswered.

8. The Needy

And I’m not talking about the poor and hungry. Those people need something real, so why don’t you spend some time volunteering instead of catering to the emotional needs of someone who should be able to take care of themselves but can’t.

9. The Party Animal

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Yeah, this guy, too. To be clear, I mean the guy you ONLY see when it’s time to rage, the guy who doesn’t have a single story that doesn’t begin with, “I was so wasted…” He’s going nowhere in life, and the older you get, the more pathetic he seems.

10. Buzzkill Bill

Also known as “Debbie Downer.” These people are always miserable about something or other, and they suck the air out of every room they enter. Lighten up, dude. It’s not that bad.

11. The Victim

A close relative of Buzzkill Bill, this person might as well hang a sign around his neck that says, “Why me?” Everyone’s out to get him, no one ever treats him fairly, he can’t catch a break. Well, dickhead, I’ve got some more bad news for you. You’re out of the gang.

12. The Racist

If you hang around someone who hates anyone that’s different from him, then you’re a dick by association, and it’s going to work out badly for you. And this isn’t limited to race—I don’t care if he hates people for the color of their skin, their gender, their religious views, their sexual orientation or whatever. By 30, you should know that the only people you should have prejudice for are prejudiced people.

13. The One-Upper

Oh, this fucking guy. You just told a great story, but he can top it. You just got a promotion and he can’t resist dropping the fact that he still makes more money than you. You just bought a house and he built one. He screams his insecurities from the mountaintops in the form of his accomplishments. Let him know that you don’t measure your success by his yardstick.

14. The Bean-Spiller

If you told someone something in confidence, and then someone else told you, it should be clear what you have to do. Friendships require trust, and the older we get, the more important that trust becomes.

15. The Guy Who Steps On You To Get Ahead

“It’s just business,” is the battle-cry of assholes. It’s a meaningless statement that dickheads use to justify doing something they know is wrong. If someone dicks you over, even if it’s exclusively for the sake of his career, he’s worse than useless, he’s harmful. Get rid of him.

 
13 comments
MikeJohnson8
MikeJohnson8

But Sikorsky, Pratt and EB employment are dwindling here.  Replace with Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun.

MikeJohnson8
MikeJohnson8

Ocean Beach is pretty good, especially if you like to play volleyball.  Misquamicut is the real beach.

Peter Haney
Peter Haney

The women can be most difficult to approach, date, and live with.

DanHager
DanHager

3,6,8,9,11, and 14 are true of me.

My mother, father, grandfather, and I, worked at Sikorsky at one point in our lives.

After prom, my date took me to a party in the woods, but I've never been much for that kind of thing.

My girlfriend lives in Torrington across from an old folks home and a drug den, and Waterbury was the closest city to me growing up.

Actually finding someone I knew wasn't as common as you'd think, but did happen.

I enjoy the aquarium, a lot more as an adult then when I was a kid. Damn belugas would always sneak up behind me and jump scare me as a kid.

Quassy was the closest amusement park, but I also remember Lake Compounce. Now I'm in reasonable proximity to go to Six Flags GA if I feel like it, back home the nearest Six Flags was a 2 1/2 hr drive into MA.

15...well, I kinda knew that. Chick-Fil-A are about as common in GA as D&D were in CT.

Laura Vitorio
Laura Vitorio

Not to mention highest taxes in the nation, and high prices! My husband and I moved here due to jobs from the Midwest. Big disappointment!  Drivers are much better and more courteous in other states I've been in! Speeding, tailgaiting, lack of signal use, hanging in the left lane. Shall I go on? People in general are just rude. And I am very tired of  UCONN!!  Beaches? You're kidding, right??  Can't wait to leave. 

Buster_Maloney
Buster_Maloney

Usually these CT Lists are pretty terrible, I have to say though, a lot of this list is pretty on point for me.

SteveSirica
SteveSirica

In Hartford county try finding someone who doesn't or hasn't worked in the insurance industry(Cigna, Aetna, The Hartford or United)...If you do they are probably from another part of the state.  

MitchTownsend
MitchTownsend

#8: You left out Winsted. 

Also: grinders, the Green Lady (Canton, Burlington), Mucke's hot dogs, calling someone a "raggy," fireworks at Ocean Beach, and hot lobster rolls with butter (not cold with mayo -- ugh).

TracyRowe
TracyRowe

um...I live in Torrington and it's a pretty nice place to live. You can't even begin to compare it to Waterbury and Bridgeport.

MargaretOKyttle
MargaretOKyttle

When it comes to employment in Connecticut. They forgot to mention they know someone who has worked for Electric Boat too. :)

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