16 Useless Items We All Own And Never Use
In preparation for the preparation of Spring cleaning this year, it’s important to think about what we can chuck to rid our apartments (or houses…in which case you have an attic or something so stop complaining) of clutter. Discounting all of the broken sports equipment and the fact that you don’t cook enough to count your oven as useful, here are some items you have and could certainly live without:
1. Twenty Salt and Pepper Shakers
One pair is more than enough, especially considering that most spices come conveniently prepackaged in the modern world.
2. Old, Generic Birthday Cards
Why is that balloon-spotted Hallmark fifth birthday wish from Grandma still the thing that jams your desk door? All Grandma did was sign the thing. It’s no more sentimental than the one she sent you the year before.
3. Piggy Banks
Only kids really use these, right? Adults usually use them as decoration. Getting the change out is always more of a pain than a load of laundry is worth, anyway.
The most useless items to date, no desk requires a paperweight unless you work outside or surrounded by fans.
5. Tea Caddies
Maybe loose tea is getting trendier, but who really cares to deal with that when most tea already comes in bags?
6. Throw Pillows
Who doesn’t want to move several, large, plush items out of the way before flopping into bed each night? You’ve got to love one, last obstacle between you and an uninterrupted night of sleep.
7. Butter Knives
Non-butter-specific knives can spread the stuff, too. Let’s not kid ourselves.
8. Battery-less Flashlights
One of the first items we rush to in an emergency, the flashlight that has never had nor will ever have batteries lives in all of our closets, waiting to foil plans of fixing a blown fuse box or just telling sufficiently creepy ghost stories.
Let’s dirty an extra, unnecessary piece of dishware so that our orange juice can travel through three different containers before meeting with our lips. At least your guests will never know you served them Tropicana…
10. A Dictionary
Don’t kid yourself. You, like everyone else these days, look up what words mean on the Internet.
11. Label Makers
These make sense in an office. Owning one at home may just lead you to such acts of extreme boredom as labeling each drawer’s use in your kitchen. No one needs this. Plus, visitors will think you’re crazy.
12. Wire Hangers from the Dry Cleaners
Perhaps you could always use them for emergency contraception … Sorry, poor taste.
13. Every Bag We’ve Ever Been Given
When you wad them all up in the cabinet under your sink, they, for some unknown reason, attract cockroaches.
14. Hotel Shower Caps
It’s surprisingly not that hard to avoid wetting long hair in the shower if you stand in the right place.
15. Rubber Bouncy Balls
Discount store vending machines are to blame for the otherwise inexplicable accumulation of these useless items. They actually end up with net negative use in terms of all the useful household items they tend to damage.
16. Blank CDs
USBs have really taken over the mixed CD (once tape) niche. Now people just use these to decorate for New Years parties, which constitutes some use, I guess.