19 Things You Can Never Ask A Woman To Do

5/30/14 11:49AM EST

19 Things You Can Never Ask A Woman To Do 19 Things You Can Never Ask A Woman To Do

20th Century Fox/Waiting To Exhale

Here in the 21st century linger some decidedly old-fashioned views about women. Between thinking she’ll whip up an excellent Sunday dinner because she looks cute in an apron and expecting her to appear flawless without any effort, it’s pretty easy for men to step out of line when it comes to requests of their feminine counterparts. To make sure you’re not asking the wrong thing, let’s clarify what you should never request a woman to do.

1. Clean Up After You

It was your mess. Also, it may surprise you, but cleaning up someone else’s mess is a whole lot worse than having to clean up your own.

2. Make You A Sandwich

We get it, you’ve made a funny joke when you say things like, “Make me a sandwich, bitch,” without even throwing some eye contact our way. Unfortunately, when you actually expect a sandwich to materialize on a tray for you by the couch, it’s not a joke anymore, but a really rude demand.

3. Buy You A Drink

This is the case if she’s a stranger at a bar. Either allow her to offer you one, or offer yourself. I know, this negates the whole getting-rid-of-old-fashioned-habits agenda, but c’mon, do you or don’t you want to make a good impression when you’re out on the town?

4. Get On Her Knees

19 Things You Can Never Ask A Woman To Do 19 Things You Can Never Ask A Woman To Do

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There are much kinder ways to request fellatio. This one happens to be particularly demeaning. Do you want the person who has one of the arguably most vulnerable and important parts of your body inside her mouth to be angry at you?

5. Match What You’re Drinking

Drinking with a lady shot-for-shot is chemically bound to get her more dangerously wasted than you end up after downing too much tequila. Save her the hangover and let her keep her wits about her.

6. Leave Right After Sex

Whether she’s into cuddling or not, she doesn’t not want to hear you say goodbye directly after you come. The reason for this is obvious—she will feel used.

7. Meet You At 3AM

Unless you guys have an established booty call thing going, women aren’t going to take kindly to this gesture.

8. Give You A Lap Dance

Unless you’re at a strip club and she’s working there. If she’s your girlfriend of six months, especially if she’s stripped for money before, this request is going to get a glare, or at least an eye roll.

9. Wear Something More Sensible

Maybe her floor-length dress and four-inch heels seem like a hazardous combination, tripping-wise, but chances are she can handle it. She will resent you for thinking she can’t.

10. That Your Work Is More Important

19 Things You Can Never Ask A Woman To Do 1 19 Things You Can Never Ask A Woman To Do

via giphy

It doesn’t matter what her vocation is. Assuming that yours makes more of an impact devalues her everyday life and makes you seem like a pompous asshole.

11. That Her Passion Is Frivolous

She loves to draw, design clothing, make jewelry… things usually thought of as girlier hobbies. Just because it doesn’t have to do with politics or Fortune 500 companies, it doesn’t mean she won’t impact some people’s lives with her work.

12. Fold Your Laundry

The argument that women are so much better than men at folding clothes is a total myth.

13. Spend Less Time With Her Friends

Even if you ask out of nothing but pure desire to spend more time with the woman you love, she’ll feel like you’re trying to limit time with her friends, making her feel trapped when you just wanted her to feel admired (hopefully).

14. Give Up A Personal Ambition

As in, asking her to drop out of school so that she can do more work around the house. Like I said, this is the 21st century.

15. Describe What Her Friends Look Like Naked

Even if she’s your closest female friend and her lady companions are all knockouts, that does not give you the right to inquire into the details of their bods. She’ll probably be pretty disgusted by the question, too.

16) Stop Talking

If you want a moment of peace and quiet, either excuse yourself or explain that to her very politely. Anyone would get offended if you told them to shut up.

17. Abandon Her Purse

A woman’s whole life is in her purse! She can’t just ditch it somewhere in the hopes that no one will snatch away everything she absolutely needs to have with her at all times. It’s difficult to understand this when men can often just stick wallets into their back pockets and be done with it.

18. Hurry Up When She’s Getting Ready

That perfect hair and the deep, red color of her lips don’t happen by magic. If you ask a woman to rush this process, it will: a) piss her off and, b) not affect the rate at which she’s moving at all.

19. Tell You What It’s Like Being Equal To Men These Days

It’s true that women are getting better careers, higher pay and more consideration when it comes to running companies and managing the workplace. However, come back to her next time you feel totally prayed upon at a bar or get groped on the subway.

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