21 Things Not To Include In Your Online Dating Profile

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Imagine you’ve never met someone and have only a few select facts to go on to decide whether or not you dare to embark on a (somewhat) blind date with them. What information would make you decide to take that plunge? I’m honestly not sure, but here a few things that will definitely keep potential online dates at bay:

1. What Medications You Take

Personal information like this is best presented in a personal context, not through a computer screen with some selfies.

2. How Sad You Were When Your Childhood Pet Died

If you weren’t sad when your childhood pet died, that makes you a sociopath, which people viewing your online dating profile will not tend to assume from the get-go. There’s no need to prove your humanity in a way that will surely send strangers warning signs about your emotional health and maturity.

3. Information About Past Relationships

“My ex was a rock climber and now I hate all rock climbers, so if you are a rock climber, please do NOT think about messaging me.” Comments like this scream “Psycho!”

4. How Much Money You Make

Unless you have a profile on a dating site that specifically requests this information for sugar daddy/mama purposes, it’s not the most tasteful inclusion.

5. Lewd Pictures

Most dating sites will automatically prevent you from posting these, but pictures of you flipping off the camera or sticking your tongue between spread fingers can sneak through. Don’t let them.

6. Indiscriminate Requests for Sex

“I’m looking for a good time in the sack with just about anyone.” Not only is this very creepy and off-putting, it also comes off as extremely desperate.

7. The Last Time You Wet Your Bed

Maybe this took place when you were 10; maybe it embellishes a “funny” blackout drunk story from your sophomore year of college. Either way, it will endear you to no one.

8. A Line About How Bad You Are At Writing Internet Dating Profiles

Most everyone feels this way. It doesn’t humble you or excuse any profile faux pas (especially since it is one).

9. Mentioning That You’ve Never Had A Significant Other

Instead of having people flood your inbox to take your dating virginity, this comment will make people wonder why you haven’t ever been with someone before, leading to a thought spiral of how you’re a scary loner who plays combat video games that threaten the lives of everyone beyond the screen since it’s the only reality you know…

10. Creepy Nicknames

“My friends call me Mr. Clean…”

11. Details About Your Sex Life

Whether you’re a virgin or a veteran of the one-night stand, you don’t want preconceptions about who you are to stem from the history of your sex life. Your date should probably get to know other things about you first, like your hobbies, and maybe even your personality a little bit.

12. Your D&D Character

You might want to save your Dungeons and Dragons identity for dating sites that are perhaps specifically targeted toward people who enjoy LARPing. It’s not for every crowd.

13. Any Birth Defects

The lack of toes on your left foot might not be what you want to lead with when meeting someone. On the other hand, some people are too shallow to accept such things and it could actually be best to weed them out before meeting a potential lover in person.

14. “Endearing” Preferences

As innocent and sweet as this may sound, mentioning that “the only thing you like more than kittens is children” will serve as an instant turnoff for many.

15. Reasons Why People Will Want To Sleep With You

“Number one: I have a massive dick.” This will (hopefully) not get you a date, at the very least because if you have to mention it like that, it’s a lie.

16. Comments That Allude To Bad Hygiene

Your belief that showering is a waste of water may attract a very small pool (no pun intended) of “eco-friendly” extremists, but that’s about it.

17. How Frequently You Cry

From romantic movies and weddings to childbirth and that Dove TV commercial, you just can’t close up those floodgates! Who wouldn’t want to date such a sensitive soul?

18. That You Can’t Have Sex Without Your Dog In The Room

Sounds like an odd thing to put in a dating profile, but I’ve seen it.

19. Racist/Sexist Slurs

This should be obvious. On the other hand, people will rightfully avoid you if you do this.

20. A List Of All Your Past Halloween Costumes

Starting with when you were a pumpkin at age 2 and ending with your sexy cat costume from last year, this list will be sure to scare off most potential mates.

21. Your Phone Number

Unless you feel like starting a collection of dick pics, this is a BAD IDEA.