Relationships can be tricky. There are so many rules about what to do on a first date, how long to wait to call for a second and how many dates to go on before having sex. Hopefully, after navigating those milestones, you’ll know when and how you’re going to say those magic words… or maybe you have no clue! A spontaneous “I love you” can be incredibly romantic; just make sure you don’t pick any of these five moments to say it for the first time.

1. After Talking About Your Exes

No one wants to be told “I love you” after hearing about all those other people you were in love with before. Talking about exes is usually a sticky enough situation on its own, so don’t gum up the works even more by bringing up major new emotions right after rehashing the past. Stay away from mentioning exes as long as you can, and space it as far away from that first “I love you” as you can.

2. Being Rejected After Making A Move

If someone doesn’t want to kiss you back, or carefully puts your hands back in your own personal space, they probably don’t want to hear that you love them. And even if you mean it with all your heart, the timing is so bad that no one is going to believe you’re really in love. They’ll think that you want to get some and that you’ll say anything to make that happen at that very moment (and they’ll probably be right). This rule actually encompasses more than sexual rejection — it also includes success! If it looks like you’re going to get laid, go with the flow. Don’t say you love the person, because then it sounds like you’re saying it because the date is going so well. In fact, even saying it afterwards is a little iffy. Say “I love you” when you mean it and when sexual advances aren’t even on the table. Then your date will know you genuinely mean it.

3. In The Middle Of Your First Real Fight

Just like trying to say “I love you” during physical intimacy, saying it during a fight isn’t going to seem authentic. Your partner will think you’re trying to change the subject to end the fight or buttering them up with something sweet so they’ll admit defeat and let you win. Proclamations of love should be romantic moments, and they’ll be tainted when tossed out in the middle of a fight, even if in that moment you really love fighting with that person.

4. Too Early

What’s the rush? Saying “I love you” too soon might ruin a relationship, whereas waiting to make sure your feelings are true can’t hurt anything. No matter how good your relationship is going, you don’t need to say “I love you” before you’re ready. You might still be in the honeymoon period of your relationship, where everything seems amazing, but before you really get to know your partner.

5. When You Don’t Mean It

Don’t say you love someone just to have something to say in return. Make sure you feel it before you say it. Just because someone says they love you, that doesn’t mean you have to parrot it back. Wait until you feel it too, and then it will mean more to both of you.

6. When You’re In The Moment

Happiness is a strong emotion, and when you’re on a fun date with a great person, you might be overcome with positive emotions. You’re having a good time together, it seems like there’s a future and you’re eager to spend as much time with this person as possible. That wave of bliss washes over you and you open your mouth to say… Don’t! Bite your tongue for a moment and realize that things are going well and you’re content, but there’s no need to blurt out something you might not really feel in half an hour.

7. To Guilt Your Partner

Whether you’re having a disagreement or on the verge of breaking up, saying “I love you” might guilt your partner into giving up the fight or staying in the relationship. Don’t throw out this phrase as a last-ditch effort to either win an argument or keep your partner. Regardless of whether you hear it in return or are met with silence, the relationship won’t progress positively from this point.

Your partner will remember the first time you say you love them. Don’t let it be an awkward story you won’t want to tell friends and family, and don’t let it be a story people will be dying to tell to make you look like a jerk. Remember these tips and play it safe!