Eyes, Smile, Boobs—In That Order
According to the results of yet another vitally important survey, the first thing a man notices about a woman he sees or meets for the first time is her eyes, followed by her smile, with her breasts coming in at third place. Of the 1,000 men who took part in the study, 70% of them confirmed the order of that list, apparently shattering some perceived stereotype that the only thing men care about is the size of a woman’s boobs.
A spokesperson for Murine eye drops, the company that conducted the study said that—hey, wait a second. An eye drop company commissioned this survey? Seriously? And “eyes” came in first? Jesus Christ. Well, that pretty much invalidates the whole thing, doesn’t it? If Victoria’s Secret or Crest toothpaste had been asking the questions, I bet things would have turned out a little differently.
Well, anyway, that spokesperson went on to say some boilerplate bullshit about how important it is to have nice, clear eyes so you’ll be noticed by the opposite sex (1,000 women were also surveyed, and eyes came in first for them, too). But here’s the quote that gets me the most: “This study almost crushes the common stereotype that the first thing men look at is a woman’s chest, however it came third on the list so it’s not quite a changed habit.”
Okay, who actually walks around staring at boobs all day? I mean, sure, maybe if you’re at the beach or something, but walking down the street? That just doesn’t make any sense. We’re not animals. For most men, the only reason boobs would be the first thing we would notice is if that’s what the woman wants. If she’s sporting a tight, sheer top that shows off some deep cleavage, yes, of course our eyes go straight to that. If I were walking around with my nuts hanging out of my fly, I bet that would be pretty noticeable, too. Probably not in a good way, but I bet it would get some attention.
Rounding out the list, by the way, are hair, weight, legs, dress sense, ass, height, and skin. Why is ass so low? Number 8? After “dress sense?” C’mon, people. And if you’re curious, the women’s top ten went like this: eyes, smile, height, hair, dress sense, weight, skin, face shape (?), ass and nose. I gotta call bullshit on this, too, because women love to talk about a guy’s butt. I don’t believe for one second that it ranks below “face shape.” And if nose was an option, how come it didn’t make the men’s list at all? A nose plays a big part in overall attractiveness.
The truth, as I’ve experienced it, is more like this: men notice a woman’s face first. That encompasses eyes, smile and hair (and the inexplicably omitted nose). If we like what we see, we usually follow that with a quick look to her body—boobs, butt, legs, we all have different tastes and weight these things differently. You can break it down further if you want, but it’s pretty meaningless.
In what seems like an attempt to make this pointless study seem cute and fun, there were a few follow-up statistics, such as one in four men have been caught checking out another woman by their significant other (which seems like a pretty low number to me), seventeen percent of women were so taken with an attractive man that they accidentally walked past their destination, and one in ten men have walked into a lamp post while watching an attractive woman walk past them. Has anyone ever actually done that outside of a cartoon or an old movie?
The subjects of the survey were also asked which celebrity they thought had the most attractive eyes, making me wonder what would have happened if the “stereotype” had been confirmed. Would they have asked which celebrity had the best rack? Anyway, the women said George Clooney and the men said Cheryl Cole, indicating that this study was conducted by and for a bunch of Brits. I have to admit, I had to Google Cheryl Cole to remind myself who she was.
So there you have it. An eye drop company you’ve never heard of has scientifically confirmed the importance of having beautiful eyes. Use that information responsibly.
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