How To Break Up With A Woman
Ah, so you find yourself at this point again. The throes of passion have run their course, the honeymoon period came and went, and one person tried to change the other. You’ve argued and avoided, made up and tried again, always ending with the same inevitable conclusion: it’s over. And hey, you can’t beat a dead horse! When things are right, they will not be complicated. If they are complicated, get out. Here’s how to do so:
End it now.
If you are considering breaking up with your girlfriend, you need to do it, and soon. You are not fully engaged in the relationship, and people and situations rarely change. Rather than dragging it out, follow your gut instinct. When you know you know, as they say. If you are hesitant, you know. She is not the one.
End it fully.
Do not soften the blow with “let’s take a break.” That is cowardly. You likely do not mean those words, and the chances of you getting back together are nil to none. Even if you do end up reconciling down the road, in the moment you need to end things completely. This will save a great deal of heartache and allow the other person to more freely move on.
Know your reasons.
Have a clear idea of what you will say during the breakup conversation. Why did things not work out between the two of you? “It’s not me, it’s you,” is a completely lame and unacceptable response. Although you should be careful not to disclose too many nitty gritty details (i.e. “I’ve met someone else,” “I’m not attracted to you anymore,” “I’m not into girls…”), your soon-to-be-ex deserves some sort of explanation. Else, she will forever wonder why things went sour, and may end up obsessively calling and texting you for answers. While drunk AND sober. This is not something that you want.
Let her know that she mattered to you.
You did spend quality time together. You clearly had something in common, and made a real go at it. Women need reassurance. We are emotional creatures. So, have some humanity – let her know that you did value your relationship and that you enjoyed the time that you spent with her. You two are just in different places in your lives! If she cheated on you or committed some other atrocious relationship act, then you can ignore this suggestion. And proceed to … carve your name into her leather see-ee-eaaats. (Thank you, Carrie Underwood).
Do NOT offer friendship.
It is rare to remain friends with an ex. Of the five more serious boyfriends I have dated, I still speak to one of them, maybe twice a year. Even years down the line, one of the two exes may still hold on to resent or regret or some other unhealthy emotion. Save yourself – and her – the grief! Do not fool yourselves; you will NOT make good friends. Friends can talk to each other about current relationships. Friends do not (or did not used to) have sex.
Give her face time.
Do not break up over phone, text, email, Facebook, what have you. You both deserve relationship resolution (in its dissolution). End it right, or you may have karma to fear!