How To Keep Your Man
I find myself thinking more frequently about how to get rid of my man, honestly. Men can be very clingy. They infringe upon your time with yourself, your friends, and other men. What’s the point in getting all dolled up and dancing until your feet hurt at a lame club if it isn’t to find someone to fuck? And how could you possibly spend your weekend if you’re not going out to dance in a tight dress at a lame club with all your girlfriends? I mean, why even leave the house if you’re not at least somewhere in the back of your mind trying to get laid?? Keeping your man can lead to a seriously boring lifestyle.
For those of you who have grown weary of the variety clubs and bars have to offer, keeping a single man to yourself probably seems like an intriguing option. To have a man all to yourself means not only that you can be half of those happy looking couples holding hands on the street, but also that you can have unlimited sex at your disposal, no hurt feet nor tight dresses required. Here a few ways to keep those feet from hurting:
The number one undisputed way to keep your man is through more blowjobs. Blowjobs when he doesn’t have to ask, blowjobs when he first wakes up in the morning, blowjobs purely because you are hungry for semen, blowjobs just because you care. No man will ever say no to a girl who loves to suck dick. Even if the man finds the girl extremely unattractive. Only in that case, he just won’t tell his friends about her.
2. Pancake Breakfasts
You could also make him pancakes every other morning for breakfast while he sleeps in, tell him how big and sexy and hard his cock is before giving blowjobs, and provide stripteases in dick-burstingly sexy lingerie like every other weekend.
I’ve found that inviting my hottest girlfriend over for a threesome works well for man retention. Just when your sex life might be at the risk of approaching boring, invite blonde Monica over to jointly rock your and your man’s world. You will not regret it.
4. Keep Lookin’ Good
Also, NEVER remove your makeup. If he sees your real face, he will most definitely leave you. (Just kidding.)
5. Be Kind
Another way to keep a guy hanging around is to simply be kind and easy to get along with. If you’re the sort of person who picks arguments over someone putting a hairbrush back in the wrong place, you may just be driving your loved ones away. Guys, like most humans, prefer to surround themselves with people who do not annoy them. Being funny and interesting and semi-intelligent probably wouldn’t hurt either, and, believe it or not, those are qualities you can learn (to an extent of course).
6. Don’t Take Him For Granted
Not taking the guy you’re seeing for granted goes a long way towards keeping him interested. If you ignore your guy and start treating him with indifference, chances are he will seek affection elsewhere. However, some men enjoy standoffishness and a cold demeanor. It provides an air of mystery to a woman.
Ultimately, you shouldn’t have to worry about keeping your man around. If he’s with you, he’s with you for a reason: Because he likes you, and you seem to like him. If he disagrees with the terms of your relationship or simply walks out because he’s lost interest, then it means he’s not the right guy for you at that time or possibly ever. And really, why keep one man when you can have free reign to meet so many others?
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