Send A Box Of Shit To Someone You Hate With ShitExpress

Send A Box Of Shit To Someone You Hate With ShitExpress


Image via ShitExpress

Image via ShitExpress

Perhaps you’ve been searching for just that perfect “fuck you” gift to send to your roommate, ex-lover, mortal enemy or coworker this holiday season. An ugly sweater doesn’t appropriately express your hatred, but a dead animal carcass could be construed as some kind of a threat from a disturbed mind and a gift certificate to Appleby’s is too passive-aggressive. It’s a difficult decision with few options. New startup ShiteExpress is here to help, however, offering discerning consumers a more simple solution: Poop in a box.

No longer will disgruntled people have to leave flaming bags of dog crap on their enemies’ doorsteps; for the equivalent of €12.95 (which is 0.05 Bitcoin, or about $16), ShitExpress allows you to “send a shit in a box around the world.” After first choosing an animal by contemplating exactly what color, consistency and smell you’d like your chosen excrement to have, you then provide ShitExpress with a shipping address and choose how you’d like your package wrapped, after which they’ll ship the box of poop anywhere in the world — no shipping charges included! If you’ve always wanted to be able to ship poo without any additional charges, this is the place for you.

Payment is totally anonymous, according to ShitExpress; customers can use crypto-coins like Bitcoin or Litecoin to maintain their privacy.

As much as this might sound like a joke, it is an actual service that delivers poop. Motherboard’s Jason Koebler tested it out for himself by ordering a box of horse shit, and received his poop two weeks later. He writes that it was declared a Halloween gag gift at customs, and also notes that ShitExpress currently only offers feces of the equine variety, but plans on adding other animals to its roster of poop producers — so if you’re been storing up some high-level rage, let it all out with an anonymous box of animal dung.

 

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