Take It Downtown

5/14/13 7:40AM EST

woman having orgasm Take It Downtown

I find it pretty hard to believe in this day and age, but there are still a lot of guys out there who won’t go down on their women. They think it’s gross, or that it smells, which is really ridiculous. I’m sure your sweaty balls don’t smell like roses either, and you want her to put those things in her mouth, right? Grow up. Sex is about a lot of things that should be gross, but aren’t in context. Unless you’re talking about Cleveland Steamers or Golden Showers or some sick, twisted shit like that. If that’s what you’re into, you could probably benefit from a little therapy, but eating pussy is really Sex 101. It’s expected. If you ever want a decent blowjob, you better learn to be a giver, too.

But even guys who don’t think it’s gross hardly ever do it. The problem is that most dudes get so excited when clothes start to come off, that they feel like they have to jimmy-up and jam their business in her as fast as possible before she changes her mind or something. Learn some self-control, buddy.

Another thing guys say a lot—usually when they’re trying to sound cool—is that they don’t care whether a woman comes or not. What they really mean is that they don’t know how to make a woman come. If you really don’t care, then you’re both an asshole and an idiot, and you’re really missing out, too, because when a woman has an orgasm, it’s a whole lot of fun. Plus, it makes you feel like the man, you know?

Anyway, I just don’t get it. I genuinely like going down on a woman. It’s like the first thing I do. Okay, maybe not the very first. Usually, there’s been at least a little kissing and groping before I get down to business like that, but I try to make sure that the first orgasm either one of us has in each other’s presence is brought about by my tongue. Here’s why.

Once you’ve mastered the technique, it’s pretty easy to make her come. And it’s usually pretty powerful too, because—as I hope you already know—clit-based orgasms are a lot more intense than the ones brought on by your humpin’ and pumpin.’ You make her come like that before you even take your pants off? Dude, you’re her knight in shining armor. She’s going to be putty in your hands. There’s a look a woman gets in her eye when you’ve given her that earth-shattering orgasm that’s unmistakable. It says, “You can do anything you want to me.” If you’re not 100% sure you know what I’m talking about, then you’ve never seen that look. When you do, you’ll know.

woman biting lip Take It Downtown

Now, I know a lot of you dudes out there have no idea how to do it right and this is the point where you expect me to tell you the technique. Well, you’re on your own there, junior. Just watch some porn and you’ll figure it out. Learn from the pros. The one thing I will tell you is to be gentler than you think you should be. Men may like things all hard and aggressive, but women usually don’t. So keep control of yourself.

So, that’s my X-rated advice for the day, kids. Take care of her before you take care of yourself. Keep the ladies happy and they’ll keep coming back for more.

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