The 20 Types Of Friends Every Girl Needs In Her Group

3/11/14 11:01AM EST

The 20 Types Of Friends Every Girl Needs In Her Group The 20 Types Of Friends Every Girl Needs In Her Group

Paramount Pictures/Mean Girls

If you’ve watched enough high school movies, you probably think you have a decent handle on what goes into the intricate makings of any girl group of friends. However, “Mean Girls” and “Heathers” only reveal the tip of the iceberg. Check out the extended list of who every girl needs in her entourage:

1. “The Karen”

A term coined, I believe, by Dane Cook, “The Karen” is the member of the group who everyone kind of dislikes but puts up with because, well, then they don’t have to dislike anyone else who’s around.

2. The Hot One

This is the girl who ensures you all get free drinks every time you go out. Though she will make you jealous from time to time, the benefit is worth the cost, in a literal, financial way.

3. The Not-So-Hot One

As mean as it sounds, you need the hot one’s foil to keep everyone else looking their best. Also, the least attractive person in a group of pretty people is automatically made to look more attractive by the collective’s presence. This is a law of nature.

4. The Scapegoat

Every time something goes wrong, this person will take the fall. At the first, they have the “whatever” attitude that lets them be chill with parents’ disapproving looks (in high school) or a bouncer’s solemn headshake (in the semi-adult world). Sadly, as time goes on, this friend may just accrue blame out of habit.

5. The Daredevil

Every girl needs someone who will challenge her to jump off the edge of that waterfall or participate in that unexpected threesome.

6. The Mom

This friend reins you in when you’re being way too obnoxious to the bartender or bringing thirteen items into the dressing room at H&M when the limit is seven. She will serve as the mitigating presence between your unruly friend group and any authority figure.

7. The Techie

It’s hard to admit in this day and age, but many of us still struggle with our all of the technological devices in our lives, from our Kindles to our laptops. The techie friend is there to prevent all modern-disasters known to twenty-first century humankind.

8. The Romantic

You need at least one friend who holds onto the ancient and misguided notion of true love to keep your cynicism in check, especially if you live in New York.

9. The Pervy One

No one should have the “registered” type of this friend, if you know what I mean, but adding a freewheeling exhibitionist who loves to check out porn shops and talk in detail about her latest orgasm will loosen up your friend group in the best way possible. Again, if it’s in the worst way possible, you may also have found yourself with the “registered” version.

10. The Cautious One

To put the daredevil in check, the overly cautious friend will point out the dangerous side of every situation, whether it’s shoplifting from the Seven Eleven or going sledding in the dark. Sometimes a wet blanket, this friend does dole out a lot of sane (and safe) advice.

11. The Stoner

This friend will always lighten the mood and help diffuse arguments. Also, her connections will ease your worries about where to find supplementary fun for the rave you’re attending at that huge, art exhibition/warehouse in Brooklyn.

12. The One with Below-Average Intelligence (To Put It Kindly)

This friend will not only make you laugh on a fairly regular basis, but will also make you feel, like, ten times smarter than you actually are. Luckily, the low IQ means that derogatory comments will fly right over this friend’s head.

13. The Ambitious One

With a “never give up; never surrender” (à la “Galaxy Quest”) motto, the ambitious friend will be the one to push you into that red-taped VIP room when your hot friend is spending the night in with her boyfriend. This friend should also end up making a lot of money in her high-powered career, thus providing you all with a great place to have cocktail parties and vacation during summer weekends.

14. The Forgiving One

No matter what mishap you get this friend into, she is always ready to embrace your mistakes with a smile that calls to mind JC himself. Just don’t take advantage of the girl, because everyone’s patience runs out at some point.

15. The Musician

Saying, “I’m with the band,” and meaning it, never gets old. This friend also gives you someone to serenade the group at campfires before a really annoying amateur takes the strings and starts warbling Dispatch lyrics all night.

16. The Rich One

This friend provides some of the same perks of the ambitious friend, only years and years earlier. Think about where all of the best parties happened in high school, after all. And who doesn’t want the chance to sip mint juleps on a boat in July??

17. The Loyal-As-Hell One

If you’re lucky, you will come across at least one friend in your life who swears they will kill on your behalf and actually mean it. When you’re in the hospital with an unexpected illness on the day you were supposed to move into your new apartment, only this friend will unblinkingly offer to move all of your furniture for your. Along with the seventeen, separate bags of clothing and fourteen bags of books.

18. The Gay Dude

Cliché as hell, but I had to say it. Who else is going to feed you honesty every morning for breakfast and tell you how truly stupid your beloved but simple boyfriend sounded when he asked you to move in with him?

19. The One With The Same Sense Of Humor

Necessary to your sanity, the friend who shares your humor will never grow boring or drift from your side. You two will always share an insurmountable closeness because humor transcends just about everything, including time, marriage, kids, divorce…is this getting too bleak?

20. The Backstabber

Because just when you think things are going so peachy keen, you’re going to need a surge of brutal reality to bring you back to this hard, spiky planet we call home. This absolute shit of a friend will keep you on your toes and remind you what it takes to get ahead in today’s struggling, competition-inducing economy.

 
 
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