VIDEO: How To Get Girls To Kiss You

5/8/13 1:37PM EST

couple kissing VIDEO: How To Get Girls To Kiss You

Aw man… I have a feeling some dumb little bastards are gonna get themselves kneed in the nuts this weekend.

VitalyzedTV, a YouTube channel that describes itself as “Russian Dude With A Camera and Some Wonderful Ideas,” released a video a few days ago that’s getting a fair amount of attention. It’s called “How To Get Girls To Kiss You,” and it’s a hidden camera sort of thing that features a guy whom I guess must be “Russian Dude” going up to supposedly strange women and getting them to make out with him within seconds.

Basically, he swaggers up to them on the beach, on the street, in a coffee shop, wherever, and says he wants to ask them three questions. First he asks if they have boyfriends and if they find him attractive (not necessarily in that order), then, if he gets favorable responses, he asks, “What would your excuse be not to kiss me right now?” Or at least he tries to say that. He bungles the line almost every time. Anyway, then he leans in and kisses them and they kiss him back. And I’m not talking about little pecks, I mean full-on Frenching.

It’s pretty amusing, and I’m sure there are some guys out there who think it’s real, but I’d be pretty surprised if that were true, because it seems fake as shit. The girls just aren’t very convincing, I’m afraid.

For one thing, most of them have the same answers to his questions. When he asks if they think he’s attractive, they almost always say, “I guess,” and when he asks if they have a boyfriend, they say. “No, why?” which seems like a strange response to me. Why do you think? Haven’t you ever been hit on before?

And when one girl has the nerve to go off-script and improvise, he gets a little rapey with her. I mean, c’mon, Russian Dude. It’s one thing to lean in towards a girl and see if she goes the rest of the way, it’s another to grab the back of her head and jam your tongue down her throat. She even said no and fought him a little. If that particular girl hadn’t given the worst performance of all of them, I would’ve been tempted to call the police.

Oh, and by the way, after skimming the comments on VitalyzedTV’s YouTube channel, apparently that girl is a porn star named Katie Cummings, which is a pretty big tip-off that this thing was cooked. But sadly, for every non-believer out there, there’s some dumb jackass who comes to Russian Dude’s defense, praising his balls and declaring him king of the pimps.

Now, don’t get me wrong, because I’m a big believer in “anything goes” when it comes to arts and entertainment. I don’t like it when people blame music, movies, video games or YouTube clips for people’s bad life decisions, but I kind of think Russian Dude should’ve added a “don’t try this at home” tag to this video.

In real life, this technique might actually work about zero to five percent of the time, depending on how good-looking you are. The rest of the time, you’re going to get pepper-sprayed or arrested for sexual assault, so I’d advise against trying it.

But I mean, God bless the guy, he’s got a million subscribers watching him realize his “Wonderful Ideas” so he’s clearly onto something. I guess he’s trying to do some Andy Kaufman-type of comedy and is at least partially pulling it off.

So watch the video for it’s mild entertainment value, but please do not put it into practice. Approach women with confidence, yes. Lead with your tongue, no.

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