Girlfriends are not the fragile creatures that lots of movies and magazines will lead you to imagine. However, there are some phrases that will set them off, even if the sentiment behind them is pure. Here are some to avoid if you want to keep your lady smiling:

1. “I think your butt got bigger.”

Though you may appreciate a full behind, your girlfriend will interpret this as you calling her fat.

2. “Fine.”

Whether this is your answer to “How do I look in this dress?” or “How about we go to [insert restaurant name] for dinner?”, it will disappoint your girlfriend. Show some enthusiasm.

3. “Yeah your mom really is a bitch.”

You’re probably saying this in agreement with a complaint your girlfriend just made about her mom, but remember: only she can insult her own parents. You do not have the right just by virtue dating her, no matter how much her parents may annoy you.

4. “Janet’s been looking really good recently.”

Janet may be a recovering anorexic, but this comment (that you thought was kind) will be interpreted as: “I think Janet is prettier than you these days.”

5. “Whatever.”

Similar to fine, this response to a girlfriend’s comments will leave her feeling personally affronted by your indifference.

6. “You’re so cute when you snore.”

Women don’t snore. Duh.

7. “Why do you bother putting on makeup all the time? You look the same without it.”

She obviously doesn’t think so, so don’t even go there. If you feel the urge to say something like this, flip it around so it becomes a compliment, like, “You’re so beautiful without makeup that you don’t even have to wear it…unlike all of those other hideous women walking around in mascara.”

8. “How much did that shirt cost?”

You don’t want to know, and she’ll get defensive if you ask.

9. “Didn’t you already eat dinner today?”

Even if she chows down on a late night burger with you after coming home from a meal with her friends, you drawing attention to her second dinner will, again, come off as a fat accusation. Of course, you didn’t mean it that way, but that’s totally irrelevant.

10. “You smell like Doritos.”

My boyfriend said this to me once. I was not pleased.

11. “Make me a sandwich.”

This is not the 1950s. Commands like that do not fly. At least add a “could you please” to the beginning of the sentence if she’s poised over bread with a knife in the kitchen already.

12. “Amy always used to do this…”

If Amy is your ex-girlfriend, don’t you dare compare her actions to those of your current ladyfriend, especially if it’s concerning something that takes place in the bedroom.

13. “I don’t know how; my mom always used to do that for me.”

Whether this pertains to laundry or cooking, this will make you look way too pathetic and co-dependent for any adult woman to deal with.

14. “What’s your best friend’s name again?”

If you’ve been dating for over a week, she’s mentioned this approximately a thousand times already. You should have been paying attention.

15. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Because she’s a woman? Because she doesn’t understand the depths of your soul? Regardless of your reasons, this statement will offend her.

16. “Please stop singing.”

To her, this means: “You have a bad singing voice, and I cannot stand to hear the nails-on-chalkboard-like sound emanating from your throat.” Not very kind.

17. “No.”

Okay, you’ve got to say “no” to her sometimes, but as long as she’s a fairly reasonable human, you can try and accommodate her (or at least phrase your negative answers more gently). That’s what love is all about…right?