20 Things Men Should Know About Single Women In NYC

20 Things Men Should Know About Single Women In NYC

Image via

Image via We Heart It

These oftentimes elusive creatures who wear all black and give you dirty looks on the sidewalk are not as opaque as you might have imagined — but they are just as mean. In case you want to break past that tough exterior, here are a few things you should know about single New York City women:

1. Pounding Pavement In High Heels Takes Unfathomable Endurance

These ladies have way higher pain tolerances than your average human. Plus, they walk with two, built-in weapons on their feet.

2. They Make Their Own Money

Do not confuse them with kept women. They have high-powered jobs, and they do not need you.

3. They Carry Mace

Please do not approach a lone NYC woman after 2 AM. If she’s smart, she will be prepared to ward you off in a somewhat violent manner.

4. Their Bags Hold Everything You Will Ever Need

That tiny, designer bag hanging off her shoulder actually contains twenty tampons, thirty cough drops, tweezers, Band-Aids, all of her makeup, an extra pair of earrings, wet wipes, a cell phone charger, a backup wallet, breath mints…need I go on?

5. They Can Accomplish Any Task While Walking

If they needed to, they could change a baby’s diaper while crossing 5th Avenue.

6. They Do Like Money

CW/Gossip Girl

CW/Gossip Girl

This is kind of a requirement of living and living well in NYC. If not at least semi-interested in making and spending, these women wouldn’t live here (unless they’re social workers, in which case they would probably like more money).

7. You Can Trace Their Heritage Back To Anywhere

Make no assumptions. A woman who considers herself a “New Yorker” could still speak with a Slovakian accent. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t know the subway system like the back of her hand.

8. Clothing, Bags, And Jewelry Mean A Lot To Them

There are plenty of women in this fair city. You’ve got to stand out at a glance somehow, which means shining personalities take a backseat to the latest couture.

9. Bitchiness Comes With The Territory

Just try and start a verbal battle with a New York woman and see how long it takes before you’re covering up sobs by pretending to cough.

10. They Know All The Lines

Your most ingenious pickup line has been used on them approximately ten million times in approximately five million bars, clubs, and restaurants.

11. You Can’t Bullshit Them

Do not dare try to lie about where you went to school or how long you’ve lived in the city. These women double as human lie detectors.

12. They Can Tell Your Job by the Shirt You’re Wearing

In a city this full of people, they’ve learned to tell the difference between an investment banker and busboy who happens to be wearing a nice shirt.

13. They Will Judge You By How Much You Tip

15 percent means you will never see this New York woman again.

14. They’re Aggressive

If someone cuts in front of you guys in line at the movie theater, they will never hear the end of it (and will likely move to their rightful place at the back).

15. They’re Jaded

You will jump through hoops trying to impress a New York woman, and she will still yawn over your specialty appetizers at a five-star restaurant to let you know that this place used to be much more innovative in the nineties.

16. They Are Socially Particular

They cannot be seen in public with just any old individual, so keep your friend Rick who only owns one t-shirt at home when you meet her on the town.

17. Being A “New Yorker” Is Central To Their Identity


CW/via Tumblr

Even if they’re from Kalamazoo, try not to remind them of this in order to remain in their favor.

18. They’re Total Snobs

In terms of directions, restaurants, neighborhoods…you name it, they have a pretty strong opinion on it—and it’s more correct than yours.

19. They’re “Promiscuous”

If their sex life didn’t begin ten years earlier than the first time you copped a feel, they’ve at least made up for it during their exploits in the city.

20. They’re Twice As Smart As You Are

Statistically speaking, they have to be in order to hold the same jobs and afford comparable apartments in a historically male-favoring job market in one of the toughest cities in the world.

  • Sabraha1

    The death of journalism.

  • jenny1991

    As a career woman myself, I am disgusted by this article.  I climb the corporate ladder with dignity and class and I do not appreciate being vouched as a bitchy hoe who cares about money, looks, and sex.  In the REAL world, the most successful women happen to be married, have kids, and preach wisdom and kindness.  Many of my mentors have always been there for me and would never give me such advice as to “I don’t need men” and that I should be able to tell the job of a man from the shirt that he wears.  They would encourage me to learn new things, always take on challenges, and help my community.

    This is NOT how you should pay homage to a NYer woman.  The better of us do work hard and wear weapons on our feet. But just because we are stunningly beautiful and diligent does not make it OKAY for us to think that we should feel ENTITLED.  MEN CERTAINLY ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO SERVE US and VICE VERSA.

    Instead, you should be writing about how some NY women (maybe NOT you) work hard to balance work, life, and everything in between… and how we still manage to care about our looks and try to make those around us happy.  We, as women, deserve some respect because we work hard on all spheres — NOT because we can afford the glitz and the glam and as a result, don’t need a man.

  • TexBex25

    This is atrocious.

  • fireinthemountain

    Whilst the ladies commenting are rightfully seeing this as revolting (and it is), as a man who is hoping to settle down I am glad someone sat down and wrote it all. Thank you Jessica. You spelled out exactly the sort of women a sane man should never marry!

  • jhantho45

    seriously,, who writes this crap??!

  • ree10101

    jenny1991  I agree with everything you wrote except for “the most successful women happen to be married, have kids…” Success comes in all different shapes and sizes. Being married and having kids do not have to be part of that equation.

  • ValHeartday

    Obviously the writer is just a spoiled brat. It comes across clear as day. Thank’s for never pretending to speak for a demographic you obviously know nothing about lady!

  • wwsceo

    horrible post!!

  • karengenetta1

    people seem appalled by this article… but i was laughing because a lot of it eerily close to reality – for any SINGLE woman in her 20s-30s in New York City.

  • MuscleCuisine

    as a New Yorker born and raised I have to say that this article makes me sick to my stomach..please never attempt to write again..This toxic cliche filth is a disgrace to this site. I’ll be sure to avoid this rubbish in the future

  • elliotlobell

    whoever wrote this, please go back to ohio or new jersey or wherever the fuck you’re from. as a native new yorker, it offends me that you can generalize all “new york women” into one fucking category of spoiled, shallow low-lives. you, yourself are a low-life. please stay away from writing any more articles and go back to your fucking boring investment banking job.

  • Dashryder56

    I can’t tell if this article is supposed to be satire….I sure to hell hope so because if it’s serious this is really really bad.  All “List” articles are bad, but if this isn’t satire this is the worst.  Not one of the things on the list apply to a wide range of people.  This is like some girl is angry and wrote all of the things she feels are her best traits when really just ignorant annoying things nobody takes seriously

  • ShreyaGarg

    I guess men in New York should know all about the women there, meanwhile if the women want to meet single men in USA they can check out MeetOutside http://www.meetoutside.com, I guess there are lots of men in the country to boss around, the more the merrier.

  • DomFarrell

    So according to this, NYC women are stuck up, generally hate men and only go for money.

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  • Steve

    And don’t forget, eternally single.

    Which is odd, I can’t imagine why such great catches can’t…well, catch a break!

    Oh right. Because of their many flaws.

  • Marco L

    Who ever wrote this Post is degrading Men in every way possible , there are actually better ways to explain Single NYC Women, not in this fashion or way, no wonder Many gorgeous looking NYC Women are single, this just proves You really cannot please or satisfy a Women, because they want it all and more, I know in my heart there are Good hearted Women out there some where , they just need to lower their standards to gain a good hearted Man

  • Richard M

    Don’t forget: there is a reason they are single (and likely to remain so).

  • Gavin Woodbine

    I am a native New Yorker who bailed on the city (for numerous reasons) back in 2002. I was of prime dating age in the late 80s until I left at age 35. I can honestly say that although the harpies described in this peice were around back in the day. Their numbers were small and they were then know as “Yuppies” and relegated to mostly the upper East side, Wall St. area and a bit of the Upper West. Starting in the early 2000s this Sex and The City creature has become ubiquitous. Largely because the working class type of women (as well as men) have been pushed out. Working class women who were natives were largely more traditional and self assured in a way that wasnt so confrontational. These Sex and The City Bots (who are often transplants) tend to think that ‘This is the way a New York woman is supposed to act.’ And so they play this part to its disgusting hilt. And thats exactly what it is. An act! Drop the stupid hyper-aggressive role! Just be who you are/were before you came here and I guarantee the world will be your oyster. These types of women were one of the reasons I left my beloved NYC. All the real ones had disappeared.