It’s that time of year again. Weather is getting warm and the plants are waking up to the soft April sunshine. Spring is here and to celebrate it’s eternal victory over death and darkness, thousands of brave youngsters venture to hot and humid all-inclusive tourist traps so they can attempt to ruin any chance of actually attaining those professional identities which they are paying an arm and leg for in tuition and housing fees.

Before you board the plane to whatever third world country you and your friends are about to terrorize with your antics please check this out. If nothing else, at least you’ll have some kind of road map to guide you through the imminent destruction which you face. Oh, and don’t forget the sunscreen!

1. You get drunk on the plane before you get there.

2. You get arrested.

3. You throw up.

4. You get pregnant.

5. You think you get pregnant, but luckily you somehow aren’t.

6. You think you might have got someone pregnant and it haunts you for a while.

7. You get in a fight.

8. You accidentally smoke crack.

9. You buy some crack because it lived up to the hype.

10. You wake up next to a stranger.

11. You call your mom on butt dial

12. You get drunk at Senor Frogs at 11 am.

13. You tell yourself that you’ll never go to Senor Frogs ever again.

14. You go to Senor frogs again.

15. You fall in love with a woman and then learn she’s a prostitute.

16. You pay her for her services and then take a very uneasy shower.

17. You sleep with someone on the entertainment staff.

18. You watch someone drink the liquid from a glow-stick.

19. You update your Facebook with something like: WhOoooO SprjdgngBreajk Bitehces!!!!

20. You throw up again.

21. You end up walking around somewhere you shouldn’t be by yourself.

22. You cry.

23. You get food poisoning.

24. You pet a stray animal.

25. You drink beer out of one of those tall, plastic, bright colored drinking glass.

26. You buy crappy weed off some guy on the beach that gets you way higher than it should.

27. You lose your sunglasses.

28. You pee in the pool a million times.

29. You never take a normal poop.

30. You ask front desk for another room key.

31. You wake up with a stranger sleeping on your floor.

32. You find out they peed in your roommate’s bed.

33. You blame the person for peeing your bed even though you know you did it.

34. You go on an excursion that lasts way longer than it should.

35. You buy weed off the guy who leads the excursion.

36. It’s actually pretty good.

37. You haggle over the price of some crappy thing that you don’t even want and end up giving it to your friend when you get home.

38. You fight a hangover by drinking more.

39. You sing karaoke and of course do an AWESOME job.

40. You meet a rapper named Alien who you commit a string of robberies with, ultimately leaving him dead but bringing you and your girlfriends closer than ever before.

SPRING BREAK FOREVER