First things first. It’s okay to fall in love, guys. It doesn’t mean you’re a pussy or anything, it means you’re human. Your buddies will give you a hard time about being whipped and all that shit, but don’t let it get to you. Being in love is a part of life and if you don’t let yourself experience it, you’re really missing out. It can feel pretty awesome.

Unfortunately, it can also suck balls. Big, sweaty, hairy balls.

In all probability, Cupid is going to kick you in the ass a few times in the course of your life. That’s just the way it goes. No matter how much you might try to protect yourself against him, no matter what kind of walls or shields you put up, eventually, that goddamn baby’s going to sneak through and get in a few good shots. And the first time that happens, is unquestionably the worst.

The thing about your first love is that it’s the one you remember for the rest of your life. And when I’m talking about your first love, I don’t mean that girl you Frenched when you were eleven or that hot senior you were infatuated with when you were in the ninth grade. I mean the first girl who felt the same way about you as you did about her. The one you held hands with every time you were around her, the one you spent hours talking to on the phone at night. The first girl to touch your ding-dong is inevitably the girl that you will compare every other woman in your life to.

And more often than not, that first love ends badly. And that can leave a bad taste in your mouth for the rest of your life.

See, the problem is that the first time you fall in love, you’re too young and stupid to know what you’re getting into. When you’re a teenager or even in your early twenties, feelings are intense and everything carries the weight of the world with it. So once the relationship runs its course, both of you are looking to blame the other. She’s a bitch, you’re a dick, you hate each other’s guts, etc. Why in the hell did you ever want to spend every waking minute with her?

After you break up, it feels like the world has ended and you’ll never love again. And you probably won’t for a while. If you need to mope around for a week or two, fine, but try not to go any longer than that. You run the risk of becoming a pathetic whiner and nobody likes that. Bang it out on a couple of slutty chicks (available in most bars and clubs), then start looking for the real thing again.

Don’t let it get you down, because it happens to everybody. There’s plenty of fish in the sea and all that shit, and eventually you’ll land the right one. Besides, if it’s any consolation, even if your first love ruined it for you, you probably did the same for her.