Ah, the threesome. Most of us consider it the pinnacle of sexual achievement, and for good reason. If you pull it off, not only will you have one naked chick in your bed—which is already awesome—but you’ll have two. Who could ask for anything more? I guess you could argue that a third would be even better, but I think that would make things a little too crowded. Somebody’s going to feel left out, and you don’t want that. Show a little restraint once in a while.

I did manage to have a three-way once, but—full disclosure—it was the kind where I wasn’t allowed to touch the other girl. So yeah, it was hot, but ultimately unsatisfying. It really seemed like more of an excuse for my then-girlfriend to act on some of her bisexual curiosity. When it was over, I wasn’t even convinced it had come to fruition through my machinations or hers. Maybe I got played.

Oh well. Still counts.

It happened towards the end of my freshman year in college with my girlfriend and her roommate. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Penthouse Forum with details, I’m just saying that if there’s a best time to go for the threesome, college is far and away your best bet. Girls go fucking crazy when they get to college. For most of them, it’s the first time they’ve ever had that much freedom, and they don’t know what to do with themselves. That is shit you want to take advantage of. If you don’t you’re going to regret it.

Because once college is over and you’re in the real world, unless you’ve made a very specific choice of lifestyle, that crazy sexual shit gets harder to pull off. You might have a few more years if you’re lucky, but by around the age of 25 or so, most women are through with their experimentation phase.

I’ve always prided myself on my powers of… “manipulation” sounds too sinister. Let’s say, “persuasion.” Anyway, the point is that I’ve always been pretty good at steering things in the direction I want them to go, but the couple of times I’ve tried to initiate interest in a threesome in my adult life has gotten me either laughed at or in a whole lot of trouble.

So go for it while you’re young, fellas. And don’t do what I did and agree to terms to readily. I think I was so excited that I didn’t want to do anything to ruin it. But, hindsight being 20/20 and all that, the fact that she was up for it should’ve told me something.

I’m not going to give you any real advice about how to make it happen, because that would be cheating. Every man has to earn his own threesome. But if you’ve already graduated college and you haven’t already checked it off, you better start making yourself a whole lot of money.