Send A Box Of Shit To Someone You Hate With ShitExpress

Perhaps you’ve been searching for just that perfect “fuck you” gift to send to your roommate, ex-lover, mortal enemy or coworker this holiday season. An ugly sweater doesn’t appropriately express your hatred, but a dead animal carcass could be construed as some kind of a threat from a disturbed mind and a gift certificate to Appleby’s is too passive-aggressive. It’s a difficult decision with few options. New startup ShiteExpress is here to help, however, offering discerning consumers a more simple solution: Poop in a box.

No longer will disgruntled people have to leave flaming bags of dog crap on their enemies’ doorsteps; for the equivalent of €12.95 (which is 0.05 Bitcoin, or about $16), ShitExpress allows you to “send a shit in a box around the world.” After first choosing an animal by contemplating exactly what color, consistency and smell you’d like your chosen excrement to have, you then provide ShitExpress with a shipping address and choose how you’d like your package wrapped, after which they’ll ship the box of poop anywhere in the world — no shipping charges included! If you’ve always wanted to be able to ship poo without any additional charges, this is the place for you.

Payment is totally anonymous, according to ShitExpress; customers can use crypto-coins like Bitcoin or Litecoin to maintain their privacy.

As much as this might sound like a joke, it is an actual service that delivers poop. Motherboard’s Jason Koebler tested it out for himself by ordering a box of horse shit, and received his poop two weeks later. He writes that it was declared a Halloween gag gift at customs, and also notes that ShitExpress currently only offers feces of the equine variety, but plans on adding other animals to its roster of poop producers — so if you’re been storing up some high-level rage, let it all out with an anonymous box of animal dung.