The 20 Things That Non-Morning People Think Every Morning
Morning people are able to jump out of bed with a smile and a can-do attitude, which often irritates non-morning people. They do things like brushing their teeth, getting dressed and using their brains without feeling like they want to die on a daily basis. The harsh truth, though, is that the rest of the population can’t do any of these things. Non-morning people just can’t handle mornings. Whether it’s not being able to go to bed early enough, not getting enough sleep or simply not having the proper body chemistry to force oneself out of bed before 10 a.m., night owls have it rough. These are some of the typical thoughts that run through the brains of night owls when they’re forced to get up in the morning.
When the alarm goes off and you’re yanked out of your warm, comfortable, infant-like slumber and confronted with the fact that you actually have to get up in the next 10 to 15 minutes, the first stage of the process is denial. Always denial.
Because you have to get up or you’ll be for late for work/school/taking care of your child or other dependent person and/or animal.
3. I Should Get Up Right Now
Probably, except you’ve already fallen back asleep.
4. Argh, My Eyes
You feel like your eyelids are glued shut and your eyeballs are dry, grainy blobs of sentient jelly that do not like being exposed to the light. The worst part is that this is not a hangover, it’s just how you feel every morning when it’s too early to be getting out of bed.
5. Maybe I Should Just Give Up and Stay Here
Getting up has not yet been achieved, but you’re already having wonderful fantasies of just staying in bed. You’ve convinced yourself that staying in bed is all you want from life, and maybe someone somewhere will pay you to do it.
6. You Can’t Eat Breakfast If You Don’t Get Up
If all else fails, the promise of food will spur a non-morning person to make a brief burst of effort and physically drag themselves out of bed.
7. I Am A Champion
You did it! You will probably not be getting fired today. You are more heroic than Luke Skywalker and Indiana Jones put together; people will throw parades in your honor and Ewoks will dance.
8. Is This Worth It?
As you finally leave the tender embrace of your mattress and stagger out into the world like a wrinkly newborn bird, you begin to have doubts. It’s cold out here, and you were only planning on making oatmeal anyway.
9. I Should Have Gone To Bed Earlier Last Night
Except you’ve tried this before, and you never have time to go to bed earlier. Maybe you’re not doing it right… there has to be another way.
10. It’s Not Your Fault!
After self-blaming comes self-acceptance. You were born this way, damn it!
11. Walk Into the Kitchen Or Bathroom
Either one… it doesn’t matter which. Just pick a room and do something. You seriously have to do this.
12. That Wasn’t So Bad
But you’d still rather be asleep.
13. Do Not Forget Anything
Do not forget your wallet. Do not forget your books. Do not forget your water bottle. Do not forget underwear. Collect everything that you need for the day and do not forget anything at home. You’re probably going to forget something, though.
14. Do Not Sit Down
If you sit down, it’s all over.
15. Why Is My Face Still So Puffy?
This is just one of many ways your body stages a physical protest against being woken up early. Puffy face, half-closed eyes, constant yawning — your body wants the world to know that it is tired, and that it does not like it.
16. I’m All Over This
Now that you’re up, showered, dressed and fed, you start to feel pretty good. Well, not physically good, but you’re proud of yourself for getting up on yet another weekday morning and still managing to be a functioning member of society. You’re no hero — you’re just an ordinary citizen who needs no accolades, because hard work is enough of a reward.
17. No, This Still Sucks
Yup, still sucks.
18. I Can’t And Won’t Work Today
There is not enough energy or brainpower in your entire body to do one intelligent thing. You’ve expended it all on getting up and getting ready for the day. You dread having to do things and having people expect things of you.
19. Just Do This One Thing
If you start the day by doing just one small thing, then you’ll have that thing done and will maybe realize it isn’t so bad.
20. I Can’t Wait To Go Back To Bed
It’s almost noon, and morning is officially over. You should reward yourself by taking a nap.