It should go without saying that sleeping with your ex is a terrible idea, and I honestly don’t understand why so many reasonably intelligent guys fall into this trap. That being said, I’ve done it before. I’ve also paid the price.

It was about six months or so after this girl and I broke up after dating for almost two years. It wasn’t an angry split or anything, either. Just one of those relationships that didn’t work out. One day, I ran into her on the street and we decided to go get a cup of coffee together and catch up. I don’t know why I did that, because I had absolutely no interest in her life anymore. I guess on some level, I was probably hoping to get laid.

After a half hour or so, we kind of fell into the rhythm of our old relationship, and you could feel the sexual tension rising up. Well, she mentioned that she still had some shirt of mine or something like that and asked if I wanted to go by her place and get it, and of course I said yes, and of course five minutes after we got there, we were going at it like someone was filming it.

See, the thing about an ex-girlfriend is that she already knows about whatever freaky shit you like to do between the sheets. Normally, we have to build up to that stuff and introduce it a couple months into a relationship. But your ex is already cool with it, so you might as well go ahead and go nuts. So the sex is good, because it’s a combination of the best things about relationship sex and a one-night-stand. But that’s where the good ends.

Afterwards, I got dressed, told her it was great to see her again, then went home. The next day she calls to chat, and then, before I knew what had happened, I had myself a girlfriend. And it was a girlfriend I had already had and gotten rid of. I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her, but my dick had other ideas. That thing is always getting me into trouble.

Anyway, the break-up (round two) was inevitable, and when it happened, it was ugly. So we went from being civil exes who had a polite parting of the ways to hating each other’s guts. It just wasn’t worth it.

The problem is that you just can’t have meaningless sex with someone you’ve had meaningful sex with. And even if you can, she can’t. If you spent any length of time with her, then all that history is tied into every thrust of your pelvis. All your dates, your arguments, the gifts you gave her, the times you picked each other up from the airport—all that shit resurfaces when you’re sharing an intimate moment together, no matter how casual you try to pretend it is.

Sex is a HUGE part of any relationship, and you can’t expect to go around banging your exes without someone getting some feelings all stirred up and shit. Somebody’s going to get hurt, and sex should be all about fun. So, if the relationship is over, let it die. And don’t have sex with its corpse, that’s just gross.