15 Reasons You Should Marry A Jewish Man

15 Reasons You Should Marry A Jewish Man


HBO/Entourage

HBO/Entourage

Honestly, why you should marry a Jewish man boils down to a single, profound reason — his mother trained him well. You know he’ll behave because he had a no-nonsense teacher in the art of treating women well.

Aside from that, here are some other (compelling?) points in his favor…

1. He’ll be circumcised.

Most people in the U.S. these days are used to seeing snipped junk. With a Jewish guy, you’re guaranteed nothing alien down south.

2. He’ll do what you say.

These guys remember what it was like to grow up with their presumably Jewish moms. They understand how to go with the flow to please women.

3. He’s family-oriented.

His parents didn’t give him a choice. Forget the estrangement of the WASP set. Proportionally fewer Jewish siblings hate each other than those of other religions (arguably).

4. He won’t tolerate bad restaurants.

Have you ever seen a Jewish man order food at a restaurant? More to the point, have you ever seen how a Jewish man reacts to not being satisfied at a restaurant? (Hint: Not graciously.)

5. He’ll treat you like a princess.

They tend to act like they feel lucky that pretty women even want to spend time with them, especially if those pretty women aren’t Jewish. Then they’re really surprised you want to spend time with them.

6. He’ll be careful with his money.

It’s an age-old stereotype, but that doesn’t mean it can’t ring true in many cases.

7. He’ll help you invest your money… conservatively.

He may very well be thrilled to help you out with this, but not to the extent of getting over-excited and blowing it on a hair-brained investment scheme.

8. His mom will pass on her family recipes to you.

This may not be a good thing. You’ll inevitably get it wrong, compared with her version and her mother’s before her.

9. His dad will love you.

He just will. Trust me.

10. He’ll be generous with the kids.

Amongst Jewish men, you’re somehow less likely to find the “let the boy make it for himself; he has to earn it without my help” sort of attitude. Not that he won’t instill a good work ethic. He just won’t be miserly towards the kid.

11. He probably has a good job.

He was most likely pressured to get this done since he was a kid. Plus, his third-generation American status affords him more upward mobility.

12. He’s entrepreneurial.

This entails some excitement, possibly travel, and an executive position of your own?

13. He’ll make you laugh.

Jews have been renowned for their (often self-deprecating) humor for many years. Behold as the legacy continues!

14. He won’t lash out, physically.

These guys grew up with their moms forbidding them from playing contact sports. They often also were the scrawniest guys on the playground in elementary or middle school. So the last way they’re going to try and resolve an argument is through fisticuffs.

15. Two words: body hair.

If you think body hair is sexy (it’s like an extra warm blanket in the winter!), you will dig your Jewish man. It gives you something to grab onto when the passion’s running high. Plus, it emits that kind of animal odor people are attracted to without realizing they’re attracted to it.

 
  • RayKaminski

    I guess we’re supposed to ignore the fact that most orthodox jews treat their woman like cattle and second class citizens.

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  • Diavolos

    I am sorry but this is bullshit. Europeans are the best husbands. Circumcision… you really defend this genital mutilation for religious reasons?

    You went full retard.

  • NCBrian

    nice. tongue in cheek racism

  • hello hello

    They cheat, though.

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