16 Reasons Why You Should Never Get Back In Touch With Your Ex

2/12/14 10:50AM EST

16 Reasons Why You Should Never Get Back In Touch With Your Ex 16 Reasons Why You Should Never Get Back In Touch With Your Ex

Universal Pictures/The Break-Up

From prolonged stares to unquenchable envy and the bitchy new lover, there are plenty of reasons why we avoid our exes. Unfortunately, reason doesn’t always trump the idea of convenience sex. Next time you feel yourself weakening in terms of your ex boundaries, keep the following reasons not to get back in touch in mind:

1. Shared Items

Want to keep custody of your favorite, leather armchair or the set of artisanal knives you bought when you first moved in together? Don’t pick up her calls lest she ask for those back.

2. They Might Be Stuck In A Time Warp

While your breakup happened two years ago, he very well may act like it happened yesterday. That’s an attitude bordering on stalker behavior.

3. Awkward Touches

That lingering handshake and breathy sigh when she comes up for a hug are weirdnesses you should be spared months after parting ways.

4. They Know Your Secrets

Exes almost always have infinite blackmail. Whether you realized it or not, you shared some serious personal shit during the wee hours of the night when you and your ex spent all your time together. They know just where you keep your childhood teddy bear and remember the name you used when you briefly dabbled in adult entertainment, and they may not be afraid to divulge that information.

5. They’ve Seen You Naked

That look you’re getting from him that makes your skin crawl is because you know he’s got ex-ray vision (pun intended) on your bod.

6. Their Looks May Have Improved

You will then regret having broken up with her and enter a twisted guilt spiral for all the wrong reasons. Also, jerking off to your ex is uncomfortable/depressing.

7. They May Be Real Losers

There’s nothing worse than realizing you can’t trust your own judgment when it comes to significant others. Seeing a sleazy ex will make you reevaluate your current relationship for the worse.

8. Your Life Might Suck Without Them

When your ex tells you he’s made partner at his firm and recently started seeing someone four years younger than you, you don’t want to have to force a smile before divulging your current job as a cocktail waitress and your last date with a guy who wore a bowtie to dinner and cried when he accidentally spilled wine all over it.

9. They Can Predict Your Behavior

She knows how you will retaliate in an argument and will be poised and ready with her next move before you finish your first. In words, never play poker with an ex.

10. Lingering Feelings

Breakups are rarely mutual. If the relationship ended on his terms, you may still like the guy, in which case his mere presence will torture you.

11. They Know Your Weaknesses

Her bribes will always sway you and her challenges will make you sweat. Busting your balls will feel like an understatement.

12. Convenience Sex

Having meaningless sex with someone you used to genuinely care about should leave a gaping hole in your heart for at least an hour after your “why the hell not” moment.

13. Lapsing Back Into Couple Behavior

The way you guys know how to act together is, well, like a couple. It may be difficult to lean in too close when you talk, and sticking out your hand for a goodbye shake will make you both blush.

14. They Feel Entitled To Nag You

When you order more food than you can eat at a restaurant, an ex is the only person who feels entitled to roll her eyes or call you out on it.

15. They Will Pry

Your current affairs will feel like his business. Catching up with an old friend should not feel like an interrogation.

16. Your New Relationship

Your new man may feel threatened, and there’s no reason to jeopardize something good for something that no longer exists.

16 Reasons Why You Should Never Get Back In Touch With Your Ex 16 Reasons Why You Should Never Get Back In Touch With Your Ex

Sony Pictures/Friends With Benefits/via giphy


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