43

30 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman (And 5 Things You Should)

Universal Pictures/Knocked Up

Universal Pictures/Knocked Up

We all make mistakes. Forgetting to study for a test, blowing a presentation, invading Iraq — these are all things that can be forgiven and recovered from. But saying the wrong thing to your wife or girlfriend? That’s the kind of mistake you’ll be paying for the rest of your life.

If you’ve ever uttered any of the phrases on this list, you probably realized your error right away and silently prayed for the ability to travel in time just so you could go back a few seconds and keep your damn mouth shut.

Learn from those of us who have gone before you, my friends. Memorize these things and never say them, even if—no, ESPECIALLY if—you want to hurt her. Instead, take a deep breath, count to ten, then say one of the things on Part II of this list instead.

 

30 Things You Should Never say

1. “No.”

This is in response to anything she asks you to do. She doesn’t know the meaning of the word unless it comes from her own lips.

2. “Can I Kiss You?”

They hate this. It’s a total mood-killer. Just go for it. If she turns her head or pushes you away, that’s a much better form of rejection than the word, “No.”

3. “Did You Cum?”

If you have to ask, she shouldn’t have to answer.

4. “Is That What You’re Going To Wear?”

Best case scenario—you’ll be waiting around for an hour while she tries on ten different outfits.

5. “Are You Sure It’s Mine?”

Nothing good can come of this question. If you have doubts, do you own detective work.

6. “What Are You Thinking About?”

Trust me, you don’t want to open that Pandora’s Box.

7. “Bitch”

You let this one slip and she’ll hold it over you for the rest of your life. But it’s still not as bad as…

8. “Cunt”

Oh boy. This is the absolute worst thing you could ever call a woman and you should delete it from your vocabulary. There is no appropriate context. Unless you’re British. They can pull it off sometimes.

9. “Calm Down”

I assure you, this will have the opposite of the intended effect.

10. “That Time Of The Month?”

Or any variation thereof. Do you have a death wish?

11. “She’s Hot.”

She might try to bait you with a “Do you think she’s pretty?” Don’t fall for it.

12. “I’m Such A Loser”

Or any self-deprecating shit like that. Even if you don’t really mean it, even if you’re just down in the dumps, save that one for your therapist. She wants you to be confident.

13. “Are You Really Going To Eat All That?”

You might as well go ahead and call her a fatty. No sex for you.

14. “My Ex…”

There’s no right way to finish that sentence, even if you were going to slam a past girlfriend. She wants you to forget every other woman you’ve dated.

15. “What Did You Do To Your Hair?”

I don’t care if she shaved her head bald. Tell her you love it and wait for it to grow back out.

16. “That’s Your Mother Talking.”

Comparing her to her mother, especially in a negative light, is the height of idiocy. That’s a complicated relationship, and you don’t know shit about it.

17. “I Think I’ll Sit This One Out.”

If she asks you to go somewhere with her, even if she promises that it’s okay if you say no, she expects you to go.

18. “I Hate Your Friends.”

You don’t have to love her friends, but if you tell her you hate them, that’s a personal insult to her.

19. “Can You Pick Up The Check This Time?”

You cheap bastard, just be a man and pay the bill.

20. “It’s A Guy Thing. You Wouldn’t Understand.”

She’ll think you’re calling her stupid.

21. “How Many Guys Have You Slept With?”

Most of the time, you really don’t want to know.

22. “Can We Have A Threesome?”

If you really want one, you can’t just come out and ask for it. You have to get her to suggest it. It takes a lot of groundwork.

23. “I’m Not In The Mood.”

Just soldier up, my friend. Rejecting your girl’s sexual advances is a good way to get cut off altogether.

24. “I Don’t Care.”

If she’s asking for your opinion, give one. Telling her you don’t care what movie you see or what you want to eat is like telling her you’re not interested in contributing to the relationship.

25. “You Knew I Was Like This.”

Big mistake. You’re not only agreeing that you have a character fault, but you’re also refusing to work on it.

26. “You’re Crazy.”

Even if it’s true, you don’t ever want to say this to a woman’s face. Do it and you’ll see a whole new level of crazy.

27.  “You Don’t Look So Good.”

You might be concerned that she’s sick or didn’t get any sleep, but she looks perfect all the freaking time. Remember that.

28. “You Should Ask My Mom How To Cook.”

Oh, you dumb little bastard. She’s more likely to ask your mom how she managed to raise such a moron.

29.“Have You Gained Weight?”

That should be a no-brainer. She can criticize your body shape, hers is off-limits.

30. “Will You Marry Me?”

Just kidding. Sort of. Just try to make sure you only say this once.

5 Things You Should Say

1. “I’m Sorry.”

If you feel a big blow-out coming on, just swallow your pride and say it’s all your fault. You have better things to do and more important principles to stand on.

2. “Tell Me All About It.”

You say this and she’ll talk for forty-five minutes straight. All you have to do is nod along and you’ll be branded a great listener.

3. “You’re Great At That.”

Just keep this one out of the bedroom. Boosting her confidence is always a good thing. You want her to feel elevated by you.

4. “I’m So Glad You’re In My Life.”

Who wouldn’t love to hear that? It’s a great catch-all, and can diffuse almost any domestic dispute.

5. “You’re So Beautiful.”

We get lazy with this one the longer the relationship goes, but you should try to remember to say it at least once a week.

Like Us On Facebook



More in Gentlemen

The Latest

40 comments
ihonkboobs
ihonkboobs

Missed one:  "Your pussy stinks."  Never a good idea.

BrandiMillerArt
BrandiMillerArt

23. “I’m Not In The Mood.”

Just soldier up, my friend. Rejecting your girl’s sexual advances is a good way to get cut off altogether."
So date rape is okay if it's a woman doing it to a man? NO. This is ridiculous. Men can be "not in the mood" the same way women can. Neither men nor women should be expected to always want sex. This is not okay.
"She can criticize your body shape, hers is off-limits." 
This is also extremely sexist and hypocritical. Men can have body image disorders, too. Not to mention it's just rude.

link13
link13

1. If I can tell a child no I expect that any woman worth being with can handle being told no.

2. With all the crazy rape claims women have been doing the last few years this is the safest way to kiss her.

3. Different women act differently when they cum, we just wan to know if what we are doing worked so we can do better.

4. I'll give you this one, unless its insanely slutty to a meeting with his boss there really is no reason to ask this.

5. Again, I agree to an extent. If your not sure have a test done.

6. Should I not care whats on her mind? She asks me so I'll ask her.

7. If shes being a bitch let her know, if shes to insecure or irational to realize how she is not okay than shes not worth being with.

8. This one isnt neccisary but if shes being a cunt let her know. An adult female who is sane can handle being called a cunt.

9. Seriously, if she needs to calm down tell her. Sometimes being told to just calm down and relax a bit can help.

10. This just makes it easier for us, we dont know and if shes being bitchy it makes it easier to blame on the period. Makes it easier to rationalize being with her.

11. If someone is hot they are hot, she should be able to understand just because your with her doesn't mean other women are suddenly all ugly.

12. If your feeling down she should want to know to try and help you feel better.

13. I agree this one is stupid, no reason to comment on how much she is eating. If she gets fat and you dump her its her own fault.

14. She should be able to handle the fact that you have spent significant time with other women and at some point a time when you were with them will be brought up.

15. If she has a stupid hairdo then let her know, a relationship isnt about hiding how you feel. Its about being open with them.

16.  We realize your mother has a hand in what you bring up and talk about. If they repeat something their mother has said then you can let them know.

17. If you dont want to go then you dont have too, she has to know not everything she likes you do. Or that sometimes you just want to stay home.

18. If her friends are cunts and bitches then let her know, if she thinks you like them you may have to deal with them while she thinks you enjoy it while really you want to shoot yourself.

19. This one is a 50/50, if you take her out all the time and your strapped for cash then dont be afraid to ask. Just because you are the man doesn't mean you have to pay for everything, that's just sexist. That said probubly not good for a first date.

20. You don't understand balls, they are a guy thing. That or maybe you just don't want to explain your entire back story as to why you did something or do some things differently than she would.

21. Safety first, if shes slept with the football then things might not be to safe. Also a good way to find if they are a slut.

22. I agree, probably not a spur of the moment thing. That said don't be to afraid to ask but be aware of the woman you ask.

23. If she can not be in the mood so can I, if I said she had to man up and have sex with me regaurdless if shes in the mood I'd be called a rapist.

24. You should be able to let her know that some things you just dont care about. I understand she doesnt care about my football game, she should understand I dont care about her shoes.

25. If she knows you act a certain way sometimes she shouldn't expect you you change, she got with you for you all of you for better or worse.

26. If shes acting crazy its to late, just leave.

27. Nobody looks perfect all the time, if your worried shes not looking to good just let her know.

28. If mamma's a good cook, and your wife isn't there should be nothing wrong to want her to take lessons. Its the food you grew up with and love, she should want to make you food you love.

29. Agree, stupid question. While she should be able to handle the question, if you know she has gained wait asking doesn't help at all.

30. Who ever tells you not the ask them to marry you is the definition of a cunt., You may be rejected or she may be embarrassed, oh well. Your adults deal with it.

Bonus.1. Dont apologize unless you have a valid reason to. Have a backbone.

Bonus.2. Don't unless you actually want to know, falsely having interest is another form of lying.

Bonus.3. Children need to be coddled, children need to be told they are doing good when they aren't. I hope you are with an adult who can handle being told she sucks at something.

Bonus.4. Obviously let her know how happy you are being with her. Agreed.

Bonus.5. Let her know how beautiful she is to you. Your with her for a reason, obviously there is an attraction and there is nothing wrong with letting her know. Agreed.




wimplo22
wimplo22

I think the overall article is innocuous and  basically right on, if a bit obvious (if you're an adult person); don't be mean, don't be condescending, use constructive criticism, etc, etc.  Based on a lot of the reaction it sounds like more people need that advice than I would have thought.

Guys, if you're with a girl that you feel you need (should) to treat like shit to keep her around then bounce her fast...she's damaged; if you're treating her like shit, you're an asshole and you need to unfuck yourself...you're damaged because you feel the need to degrade others to make yourself feel better.  Women, if you are with a guy that treats you like shit and you stay...you're damaged; break up and work on the old self-esteem, you deserve better...at least you need to believe you do...or you won't get it.


My only complaint was that men paying for all dinners is crap if you believe in gender equality.  In an adult relationship you share.  You can't be cool with gender roles when they're convenient and then claim that they're bullshit when they don't benefit you.

SarahKrafft
SarahKrafft

I agree with basically everything here as well as most of the ideas in the controversial post he made about men. Not a big deal people. It's a generalization, and if you would just calm down you would realize you have related to most of this, or you have been through a lot of failed relationships.

Crawn1ck
Crawn1ck

What the fuck? This is the most biased piece of shit article I've ever read. It's not only clear a woman wrote this, but it's clear she has negative feminist ideologies corrupting her mind. Chuck Henderson is obviously a pen name.


19 and 29 bother me the most. So the guy paying all the time is what constitutes his manliness? And she can comment on my body but I can't comment on hers??? What the fuck. You both should stay aesthetically appealing for each other. If she's allowed to comment on me, I can comment on her.

ShadowMonsta
ShadowMonsta

aaanndd I have concluded that  a female wrote this. XD

ChelseaMay
ChelseaMay

 I don't think this is the horrible piece of garbage people are making it out to be and some of these are clearly satirical.  I find it amusing so many men claim feminists are "touchy and hypersensitive" because many women will get upset when someone posts a satirical comic on treating a woman like shit but the moment a man posts something like this, they hit the ceiling.


The really sad thing is many of the men on here seem to equate being respectful towards your partner as being a "pussy."  I suppose a real man treats his woman like garbage, criticizes her, never admits he was wrong, doesn't listen to her or pay attention to her.  Because you're a MAN and you don't have to put up with that shit, right?  


I would never treat my man like that or even entertain the thought of staying with a guy who treated me like that.  It's about mutual respect.  What I don't like about this article is how it occasionally implies that men and women shouldn't be treated the same way (i.e., she can criticize your body shape but you can't criticize hers) even though the author appears to do this in an attempt at satire.  I wouldn't criticize my partner and he wouldn't criticize me - we're both functional adults who are perfectly capable of being responsible for our own health.  Etc.

killakolt
killakolt

this is retarded lol. its definitely written by a feminist who wants men to bend over and kiss every girls ass. not going to happen CUNT. plus if half that shit sets the writer off, she's a control freak psycho bitch who wants people to suck up to her cause she can't deal with people being real.

HarrisonHume
HarrisonHume

I like how half of those things aren't bad and most of those things depend on the person.

Buuuuuuullshit.

DMC505
DMC505

It is posts like this that give the word/movement feminist a bad connotation/reputation. We will never be seen as equals if people keep spewing this garbage. A couple should be able to speak honestly and freely with each other. As for the hurtful language, if you truly care for one another, those won't be part of the conversation. I am sick of these gender rolls for both men and women!

ShawnWM
ShawnWM

Geez  thank you to the oppressive feminist movement nice enough to tell us guys what to say to women.. do you want my list of what women could say to men?? lol...

How about this.. REMOVE yourselves from the pedestal you have chosen to hop up on and unplug head from butt and realize we are all equals and simply need to be treated with the same care and respect you would hope to be treated with yourself.. if that's not enough princess.. then go back to bed and await prince charming's kiss..  good luck.

vaalix
vaalix

Sounds like some dumb trendy feminist wrote this garbage.. Oh wait I guess it was some metro sexual guy who is pumped full of estrogen mimicking chemicals, which are coursing through his veins making him get in touch with his inner girl... No matter how hard the main stream media wants to pussify men, it just ain't happening chucky.. Maybe you should change your name to Charlotte.. Or Dorothy.. Cause you ain't in Kansas no more fool...

AdamJohnson2
AdamJohnson2

Somehow this accomplishes both trying to aspire to gender equality and gender roles. WTF?


NickSeemann
NickSeemann

A lot of these are really dumb, hypocritical and sexist.


So guys have to be completely self-confident but girls can bitch and whine about "OMG I'm so fat, omg blah blah girl angst" but if I guy ever feels down that's wrong?


Also it's 2014, shit has changed, women can pay for themselves or even treat their boyfriend to dinner from time to time. By insisting on paying for them all the time you imply they need you to survive and can't support themselves.


"She can criticize your body shape, hers is off-limits." Fuck that, both can constructively criticize each other in that regard. Like yeah neither should be like "Hey you look like a fat ass", but there are nice ways of saying hey I am less attracted to you because you aren't as healthy and fit anymore.


They don't want you to say no, and to always say "i'm sorry" and claim the fault, nopenopenope. Sorry but that would be denying my agency (that's a word feminists love to say), and I am not going to fold and claim fault for something when I know I am right.

isntnsync
isntnsync

This is a little sexist.. "She can criticize your body shape.. hers is off limits..". A lot of this list offended me as a woman. There are just things you shouldn't say to other PEOPLE not just a woman or your lover, like "have you gained weight?" (in most contexts) and no one should really call anyone else a cunt. Women understand the word no, and the majority of this list is just things not to say unless you're a dumbass or an asshole. This is not a man/woman thing. It's a humanity thing. Everyone is insecure sometimes, everyone needs attention, no one likes being insulted, everyone wants to finish during sex. A real woman with self esteem will not expect you to treat her better than she treats you. Relationships should be heavily based in trust and equality, not hiding your number of exes or treating her better than she treats you. If she calls you fat or insults you or asks you "are you going to eat all that?" dump the bitch. That's not a "stereotypical woman", and it's not just a bad girlfriend, it's a bad PERSON. 

PS I hope everyone here knows that Feminism is the belief that women should be treated as equals. Feminists do NOT believe women are better than men. Feminism is when a WOMAN reads "let your girlfriend treat you like shit but never do it to her unless you want to get dumped" and SHE is offended. That's unequal and mean, to sound naive.

NathanGRook
NathanGRook

This is honestly the dumbest list i've seen in a while.

sara_g
sara_g

#1 do you really think women don't understand the word "no"? If this bullshit is what you have learned from past dating experiences then I must assume you have only dated spoiled little girls and not women. If you switched the genders in this whole article men would be pretty offended.

kristinabergie
kristinabergie

#20: Oh hella you don't be referring to a woman as stupid. 

>rest of the list talks about how guys don't know shit. 

Hey dudes, just don't date insecure women with romanticized views of a relationship with unrealistic expectations. If you're going to ask her to marry you, for instance, she's probably aware of your past relationships and quite peaceful with them. Since that is something that should be apparent if you trust someone enough to marry them in the first place. 

Stupid articles pattering to whiney teenagers about their three month relationships and their problems. Adult women should really be above this garbage. 

cavin79
cavin79

Suckers!! An insecure girl will like most of this.  Be true and expect your woman to treat you the same way you want to be treated.  I don't want her to feed me bullshit just like I wouldn't feed her bullshit.  If you don't have that relationship with your woman, then you probably have the wrong woman.  Women want the TRUTH, not what some blog is telling you to tell her.  THANK GOD I finally have that woman that I can be 100% honest with and can expect the same in return! 

SebastianDanielLiu
SebastianDanielLiu

lol this articles terrible :P this advice is for men with no self respect who will bend over backwards to do anything a girl wants haha guys like that marry the first girl that will let him. Being cocky works way better and will land you a more laid back and fun to be around girl with a sense of humor 

Daktal420
Daktal420

Sorry Chuck Henderson, but this article is a flop. The advice you give is the same tired advice men have been handing down since your grandfather's day. Its the kind of advice you hear from the guy who has never been laid, never had a serious relationship, can't understand why assholes get the girl and swears that THIS is how he'd treat a girl if he had one.

ThomasJaworski
ThomasJaworski

Yea this is a terrible, sexist, pathetic article.  If women keep pushing like this they will never be treated equally.  This is the reason stereotypes and gender roles exist.

ag11600
ag11600

This is pathetic. You shouldn't be expected to pay for every meal. Relationships are give and take. And if you're the only one who's giving there's something wrong. Not to say that if she keeps offering and you pay anyway, that's fine. You don't want to be with a girl that expects you to pay for everything. That shits gonna get old real quick. 


Love how this was written by a man who has THAT much experience dating women he can come up with 30 things not to say, but only 5 to say. 


Quit coming up with bull shit lists that mean nothing and go contribute something to society, Chuck.

wimplo22
wimplo22

I love that men should always pay...so feminism is dead, right?  I think independent women should pay their fair share.

Cupcakecrusader
Cupcakecrusader

While this list may be a silly list for what men "shouldn't" say you going off with name calling is definitelynot alright. Man, woman, or other you should talk to other humans with respect. Calling anyone a cunt or a psycho bitch isn't "being real" its being rude.

sara_g
sara_g

I don't know many women named chuck but this is the exact opposite of what a feminist would write.

restless2015
restless2015

@DMC505 Right on and well said! I go to school with girls that make 60k plus in a province where the average income is 32,000. They can chip in and pay and should want to! Just like If I make more I'd want to see my partner happy and treated as an equal. What is up with this I'm a princess nonsense, does it actually work for anyone past 2 or 3 years before the man or the women get resentful of being forced into a gender roll instead of working together?

AllisonNichole
AllisonNichole

Aside from the terrific and most poignant point that feminism is actuallya movement to advocate for equality across sexes, which you ironically suggested as an alternative... You also seem to have mistakenly assumed that this article was written by a woman, which is not the case. If you're going to be hateful, at least make sure you're educated on the subject. You might find yourself with a newfound abundance of energy due to your lack of ear-smoking internet rage.

sara_g
sara_g

the feminist movement isn't meant to be oppressive but liberating for women. we don't spend our free time deciding what we hate most about men but how men and women- together - can move past limiting stereotypes and gender roles. the author of this article is a man and obviously not a feminist but he made men and women both look bad because most men wouldn't agree with this shit (I would assume) and I know most women would think this article is stupid.

restless2015
restless2015

@AdamJohnson2 Great point! We need less of these articles pretending to advance the acceptance between men and women while reinforcing moronic gender rolls. 

SarahKrafft
SarahKrafft

@NickSeemann Not all women are as whiny or sensitive as you think.  Also, I've taken fault of an argument many times just to say I understand and keep the peace. When you're with someone long enough, and the conversation's been had before, it saves a lot of time and aggravation just to apologize.

SarahKrafft
SarahKrafft

@ZacharyStearns You can. Most of the time, women have sex as often as you like just to make sure you don't get it elsewhere. Women tend to savor the arousal and let it build for a while (even days) before the release. Hence foreplay. 

Cupcakecrusader
Cupcakecrusader

I completely agree with you. If a man feels like he can't be honest with his girlfriend without her getting super angry then he probably needs a new girlfriend. You should always be considerate when talking to your girlfriend but she should also be considerate to you. And no guy should have to have sex with a girl when he isn't in the mood. That was the least funny one on the list.

SarahKrafft
SarahKrafft

@cavin79 Thank goodness somebody appreciates honestly. Sometimes it's a curse.

SarahKrafft
SarahKrafft

@ag11600 I agree, I don't think men should be required to pay for everything. It sounds too much like prostitution. But then again, that;s why rich men get all the women. Inside of a gold digger, you will find a shy prostitute looking for one generous customer.

AllisonNichole
AllisonNichole

@Women_In_The_Kitchen I was practically in a blackout hormonal rage. It's like my throbbing uterus takes over all executive functioning. I also very much enjoy your advance  style of humor. With any luck, you'll continue to spread your delight whilst simultaneously remembering to breath.

Become Richer, Smarter And Funnier

Get Our Best Stories Delivered To Your Inbox

Get Your Daily Dose Now For Free

 

No thanks, i don’t want to receive awesome stuff