50 Things Every Woman Should Realize About Men

3/19/14 12:28PM EST

Don Jon

Don Jon

This one’s for the ladies. Fellas, you can hang around if you want to, but you gotta stand over there in the corner and be real quiet. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hit on your girlfriends and wives, but I got a few things to tell them. Trust me, this is for your own good.

Okay girls, now it’s just you and me. You’re all looking very pretty today, maybe we can go grab a drink sometime—no, shit. I promised I wouldn’t do that. Sorry. Habit.

Anyway, the reason I pulled you all aside…is to show you my penis. Wait! Don’t leave, I was just kidding. Okay, I think I got it all out of my system now.

Seriously, though, I want to let you in on a little secret—men don’t know shit about women. We just can’t figure you out, and all our attempts end in humiliating defeat. So stop expecting us to understand the intricate mystery that is the feminine psyche and just accept the fact that it’s never going to happen. However…there is hope. Once you stop over-thinking men and realize that they are much less complex than you are, you can take charge, keep them content and get what you want at the same time.

So here’s a list of things that will help you help him to create a strong and lasting relationship with just about any guy. And if you need any extra help, I do offer private tutorials. You know where to find me.

1. You Gotta Stay Away From His Internet Search History

You can’t handle it. It’s more or less the same for every guy, so don’t think he’s a perv or anything. But if you go browsing where he’s been, you’ll regret it. There are some things you can’t unsee.

2. You Can’t Change Him

I know that you know this intellectually, but on some level, you may still think you can pull it off. You can’t. And if you do manage to get it done, he’ll figure it out and resent you for it. Love him the way he is or not at all.

3. You Shouldn’t Take It Personally When He Checks Out Other Women

Unless he’s leering and drooling, just let it slide. It’s a reflex and he can’t help it. Just let it slide.

4. He Will Choose His Friends Over You

They’ve been with him for way longer than you have, and no matter how much he loves the regular sex, he’ll sacrifice it if you’re trying to 86 his buddies from his life.

5. Never Criticize His Mother

If he wants to do it, and you commiserate with him, that’s fine. But if you’re the one who brings it up, watch the fuck out. Odds are, there are qualities she has that he sees in you, so try to figure out what those are and relate to her on that level.

6. You Have To Let Shit Go

You’ll have a lot of fights over the course of the relationship, but when they’re over, they really need to be over. Throwing old arguments back in his face will lead to loss of trust and ultimately change how he feels about you.

7. Don’t Ask Questions You Don’t Want To Know The Answers To

Hey, he’s got a history and so do you. If you love him for who he is now, don’t worry so much about the steps he took to get there.

8. You Can’t Bombard Him The Second He Walks In The Door

He knows you want to talk about what that bitch said to you at work today or your plans to redecorate the bedroom, but for god’s sake, let him have a beer and stare at the TV for at least half an hour first.

9. Withholding Sex Is A Dangerous Game

I don’t care how mad you are at him, if you cut him off for an extended period of time, what happens next is on you.

10. He’s Jealous Of All Your Straight Guy Friends

Bitch about him to the girls all you want, but if you’re confiding things to other men and he finds out about it, he’s going to get jealous. Sorry to break it to you, but he wants to be the only man in your life.

11. He Wants To Try Anal

He might never ask for it, but he wants it. And odds are, most, if not all of his former girlfriends wouldn’t let him. Let him have it at least once, maybe on his birthday. It’ll be a bonding experience.

12. He Wants To Bang Your Friends

I’m not saying he’ll do it, but he wants to. Don’t take it personally—he’s wanted to bang 90% of all the women he’s ever met. It’s really not that big a deal. Let him know you know and watch how red he gets.

13. You Should Learn To Play Pool

There’s nothing hotter than a chick who can beat you in pool.

14. He Wants You To Seduce Him

Yes, he probably likes sex more than you do, but you want him to be happy, right? Don’t wait for him to instigate every time. Surprise him every once in a while.

15. He Notices When You Don’t Wear The Jewelry He Bought You

If you don’t like it, for Christ’s sake, say so and let him try again. It seems ungrateful when you wear it once and then he never sees it again.

16. He Wants You To Need Him

Sure, you’re an independent lady and he likes that. But he also wants to feel useful. So let him change a light bulb and open pickle jars for you. It boosts his self-esteem.

17. You’ve Got To Watch Your Weight

Oh shit, did I really say that? Well, it’s true. Just because you landed him doesn’t mean you can eat whatever you want and stop going to the gym (and to be fair, neither can he).

18. If You’ve Been Living Together For Longer Than Three Years, He’s Not Going To Marry You

At that point, he already considers himself married, and the idea of a wedding is more of a hassle than the special day it is to you. You can try to force him into it if you want, but…

19. Ultimatums Do NOT Work

Any time you try to force a guy to do anything, he WILL resent you for it. Try an honest talk about how you feel and what you want out of the relationship before you give him an “either/or.”

20. He Wants Kids

It’s hardwired into his DNA. No matter what he says when he’s in his twenties, when he gets a little older, he’s going to want a legacy to leave behind. But please make sure he’s ready before you stop taking your birth control.

21. He Knows When You’re Lying To Him

He might not even be sure what you’re lying about, but he knows when you’re not being honest. Better come clean, or his head will fill up with worst-case scenarios.

22. He Wants You To Like What He Likes

Whether it’s movies, sports or hobbies, he wants you to enjoy those things with him. Even if it’s not your thing, try to have fun with the fact that it makes him happy.

23. He Thought You Looked Good In That First Outfit

The more you change clothes before you go out, the more impatient he gets. After the second one, he doesn’t care anymore. Just pick one and let’s go!

24. He Has No Interest In Shoes

What is it with women and shoes? You may think that new pair is the cutest thing in the world, but it just mystifies him.

25. You Should Always Take His Side

Within reason. But if he’s involved in some kind of debate and you take sides against him in public, he will never forgive you.

26. He Wants You To Expose Him To New Things

He wants to feel like you’re bringing something extra into his life, so tell him about your favorite authors, philosophers, whatever. If you help him grow as a person, he’ll always be grateful to you for it.

27. You Need To Tell Him Exactly What You Want

Don’t make him guess, because he’ll pick wrong. And don’t be vague about it either. If you want something, just say it straight out. Odds are, he’ll give it to you.

28. He Hates That Short Haircut

Very few women can pull off that pixie hairdo (although the ones that can do it beautifully). He likes your hair long, so don’t go chopping it all off without running it by him first. How would you feel if he got a Mohawk or grew a rattail?

29. He Wants You By His Side

If you abandon him at parties and go talk to your friends while he talks to his, you’re not giving him that level of completion he wants in a partner. Sure, you can branch out now and then, but he wants you to work as a duo.

30. You Should Never Flirt With His Friend

I know I said earlier that he wants to bang your friends, so this might seem like a double standard, but it’s true. He’ll think you’re fucking with him—or worse, that you’re actually attracted to one of his buddies. Don’t risk ruining his friendships or there will be bad times ahead.

31. He Wants You To Be His Muse

Behind every great man is a great woman. And of course you can have your own hopes and dreams, but he needs you help and inspire him to achieve his.

32. Whatever It Is  You Want In Bed, He WILL Do It

Don’t be embarrassed to ask for it. Whatever you sickest, most twisted sexual fantasy, it’s PG-13 material compared to the shit that goes on in his head.

33. He Needs To Lean On You Sometimes

Most of us are pretty good at shouldering our burdens, but every so often, they get too heavy. But don’t sit him down and make him talk about his feelings—that’s YOUR thing. Just do some little things for him to pick up his slack when he’s overwhelmed.

34. Save The Big Piece Of Chicken For Him

He works hard, he doesn’t complain much. He deserves it (thanks to Chris Rock for that one).

35. Don’t EVER Emasculate Him

Even if you’re just joking. I promise you, he won’t think it’s funny. And if you do it during a fight, your relationship might never recover.

36. He Doesn’t Want To Hear About Your Sexual Past

If you feel the need to give him a number, fine, but don’t get into what you did with whom, no matter how much he asks. I promise you, he doesn’t want to know.

37. He Wants To Be The Best Lover You’ve Ever Had

And if he’s the love of your life, he probably is. But if he’s not, just lie to him.

38. If He Cheats On You Once, He’ll Do It Again

Even if he apologizes and honestly regrets it, if you let him get away with it, it WILL happen again.

39. You Should Let Him Open Doors For You

It’s great that you’re all liberated and shit, but being a gentleman never goes out of style. Let him do those little things and it will make him love you more.

40. You Need To Be His Moral Compass

He looks to his woman to keep him in check. Make sure he always does the right thing.

41. You Should Let Him Win Sometimes

Men hate it when you’re better at them at what they love. He has a fragile ego, and sorry, but you need you to cater to it sometimes. If you throw a game and he gloats, though, all bets are off.

42. If You Make Him Watch A Chick Flick, At Least Give Him A Blowjob Afterwards

Seriously, those things are painful. You have no idea how much we hate them. If he made it through the whole thing without complaining, reward him. And if it was one of the SEX & THE CITY movies, you owe him either anal or a threesome. Your choice.

43. Speaking Of Threesomes… He Will NEVER Stop Trying

It doesn’t mean you’re not enough for him, it’s just that it’s the ultimate male fantasy. I’m not saying you ever have to cave in (it’s probably best if you don’t). But just tolerate his attempts to make it happen. He can’t help himself.

44. He Needs Quiet Sometimes

You don’t have to fill the silence with pointless chatter and small talk. If you’re comfortable together, you should be able to just shut the fuck up every once in a while.

45. You Should Compliment Him More

Hey, women aren’t the only ones who like compliments. Tell him he looks good, tell him he’s smart, whatever. He needs to hear that shit every once in a while.

46. You Don’t Always Have To Be Right

Hey, if it’s worth it, then just dig your heels in and fight to your dying breath. But sometimes, he just wants his opinion validated and you don’t have to contradict him just because you see things differently.

47. Make Sure You Look Just As Good When You Go Out With Him As When You Go Out With The Girls

We all get lazy after a while when we don’t have to impress anyone anymore. But if you’re all sweats and T-shirts when it’s just the two of you and you’re smoking hot when you’re going out without him, he’s going to wonder who you’re doing that for.

48. He’s Not Your Dad

For all you princesses out there. Yes, he’s supposed to take care of you, but it’s not in the same way. You’re a grown woman, for Christ’s sake. Learn the difference between a father and a partner.

49. You’re Not His Mother

If you’re always picking up after him and washing his dishes, he’s got some growing up to do. Don’t play into his Freudian fantasy.

50. He’s Not As Complicated As You Are

Don’t go thinking that means you’re deeper than he is, though. Or smarter. He just likes to keep it simple. If you can understand and appreciate that, you might end up complimenting each other very well.

 
6 comments
CandaceWalker
CandaceWalker

Any man who will judge you negatively for behaviour he is happy to engage in, is someone you don't want to be with.


Simple as that.


The only 'right time' is when you're both ready.

Aesopsfable
Aesopsfable

Okay.  First, it does depend on the people involved.  We are not machines and we don't have an expiration date as to best when screwed by.  We are individuals that have different time lines.  The time line for sex is when both parties are comfortable with it.  Sometimes it's six months and sometimes you hook up one night and then start dating.  Keep the rule simple, "when all involved are ready"  

A person should figure out for themselves whether or not they are ready or will ever be ready for a sexual relationship with the other person/people.  Some people need more time than others to be ready, but figure out if you are just not ready or will you never be ready with that other person/people.  If the answer is never; tell them and move on to being friends if possible.  Don't just drag it out because you're afraid of hurting their feelings, because what you are really doing is taking up the time they could be spending looking for someone that would like to be with them in the sexual arena.

Artisan219
Artisan219

My general rule of thumb is one month. It's not a hard set rule, and like most men, if sex becomes a real possibility, then I'm not really going to beat myself up over going a little early. Sex can be casual, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's harder to turn wild night into an actual relationship. There's a reason one-night stands are awkward the next day and its simply because the person you woke up with is really just an acquaintance, and I don't know about the rest of you, but I generally don't let random people into my home. At the time you were trying to get into her panties, that may not have mattered, but now you have things to do, she has to get home before work, and you realize you don't know her last name or her favorite color. This kind of setup makes it a little socially awkward to call her up again. You just had sex, but you don't have a deep bond, and in its own way casual sex is comparable to a firecracker instead of a candle. You light it, it burns, it pops, and now its done. You get into these mind games wondering if you call her back is she going to think you're a stalker. You don't know if she wants a relationship, but you had a good time and now you may actually want a date and you're unsure of the etiquette of asking a one-time hookup to be something else. I have no idea how that goes for women, but I'm sure it's not the most pleasant experience. Having ex too soon, it can really put the brakes on acclimating to each other as individuals. If you find out that your one-night stand is a staunch vegan and you have half a bucket of KFC and a few pounds of ground beef and bacon in the fridge, a long term relationship is probably unlikely. To go the distance in a relationship, both of you have to be moving in similar directions in life. That doesn't mean you both have to be on the same page, to be honest I find that can actually cause more problems than you'd think, but your individual novels should probably be in the same genre. 


On the other hand, sex too late in the relationship can be a really trying experience. It comes down to two issues: investment and intimacy. Sex is an important part of the relationship once the genie is out of the bottle, so if you do wait six months and find out that you aren't compatible sexually, not only are you going to be embarrassed, but you've invested half a year into a relationship and now this has happened. Now maybe you can work out your bedroom troubles , and after six months you should at least try, but it really changes the dynamic of the relationship and will change the way in which the two of you see your future together. That segues into intimacy. Now everyone is going to have a different definition for intimacy, but for me it is the measure of the trust in your relationship. If you find out that your partner has some sexual kinks you aren't into, it's going to affect how comfortable you are discussing sex. Personally I like to have some spontaneity with sex and when you get into a situation where you're having discussions and making plans, it does for my part diminish some of the romance.


I say a month because it gives you space on the calendar for 4 weekend dates, some casual middle of the week hanging out, and most importantly, tons of texting, chatting, and communication, For me, it seems a good balance. But, ladies, if you want to have your six months, look at that objectively. The point of the rule is to make sure your boyfriend loves you before sex and not just because of sex. If he respects you, the relationship is going well, and you actually feel comfortable to have sex , holding onto a timeline may not be helping your relationship. But you are absolutely entitled to your timeline. I would just ask this if I was in that situation: TALK ABOUT IT. I know I said that over-thinking sex can take out the romance, but that's not what I mean. Guys like to know where they stand, and if it's been a few weeks and he's not getting anywhere with that, he's going to be curious what he's doing wrong. Do I not make enough money, am I too short, does my place smell funny, did I say something about my mother? We as men only understand women so well and if we feel that we aren't getting closer in the relationship, we come to the conclusion that A) we did something and B) that you're not going to tell us. If this six-month rule is the only reason you're not having sex, tell him that you're getting excited and that he's getting there. Talk to him early and tell him you don't want to have sex too soon in the relationship. If he knows its not him, he's going to be easier for him to respect your boundaries. When you get closer to having sex, maybe talk about what you do and don't like in the bedroom. After awhile maybe try phone sex if that works for you. Personally I love foreplay and if you think you can play without going too far, then by all means. You can stick to that six months easier by giving him a little more while leading up to it.

CandaceWalker
CandaceWalker

@Artisan219 " The point of the rule is to make sure your boyfriend loves you before sex and not just because of sex."


I don't think I could ever love someone after a month. In fact if I waited to feel love before sex...it would be a long time before sex!

hittlistblog
hittlistblog

@Artisan219 I LOVE your response. I like what you wrote better than the article! Can I share what you wrote on my blog? You can find it on wordpress. The Hitt List! Let me know..thanks!

Artisan219
Artisan219

@hittlistblog @Artisan219 Sure, just link back to this page. Oh, and I notice I have a few minor typing and grammatical errors (damn you, internet) so feel free to make those corrections if you re-post.

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