Decoding Woman-Speak

1/7/13 6:45AM EST

womenspeaking Decoding Woman Speak

Women are complex beings who might as well speak in secret code. Delivering loaded statements, insinuations, and hints, women often forget that men, unlike them, are not mind readers. There is a solution: like any other foreign language, you too can master “woman-speak.” Refer to the below chart to read between our lines.



“Do you really want to go to the party?”I don’t want to go to the party.
“Do whatever you want.”Please think long and hard about what you’re going to do.
“I’m not upset.”I’m definitely upset. Wait a few minutes and I’ll tell you.
“Fine.”End-of-argument. You’ve made me mad.
“Are you listening to me?”I am not an idiot – I can tell that you are not paying attention.
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”I don’t want to date you so am letting you down easy.
“Do you love me?”I am feeling vulnerable right now; I need reassurance.
“Nothing is wrong.”Trust me, something is definitely wrong.
“We need to talk.”Something is not right with our relationship.
“You’re such a nice guy.”This is going nowhere. I’m really not interested in you.
“So-and-so was flirting with me last night.”I hope you know that I am desirable. Tell me I am beautiful.
“Aren’t you going out with the guys?”I was really looking forward to some alone time…leave!
“I don’t tell my friends about our private life.” Of course I talk to my friends about us. I need to find solace in other beings who understand woman-speak!
“It’s your decision.”The answer should be obvious…
“It wasn’t that expensive.”It was somewhat expensive else I’d have said it was cheap.
“I’ve slept with only 5 people before you.”Give or take 10.
“You don’t communicate enough.”I need more from you; I need to know how you feel.
“This old dress? I’ve had it for ages!”Yes, my dress is new. Thank you for noticing.
“Whatever.”You’re screwed.

[Image via Shutterstock]


Become Richer, Smarter And Funnier

Get Our Best Stories Delivered To Your Inbox

Get Your Daily Dose Now For Free

No thanks, i don’t want to receive awesome stuff