Does It Really Matter How Long You Wait To Sleep With Him?

5/29/14 12:24PM EST

Does It Really Matter How Long You Wait To Sleep With Him Does It Really Matter How Long You Wait To Sleep With Him?

Focus Features/That Awkward Moment

Dating is kind of a dying ritual, isn’t it? These days, what’s considered “dating” is often a group of people hanging out together and then splintering off into pairs at the end of the night. Granted, this style takes a lot of the pressure off, but the group dynamic is the king of dating cop outs. It just doesn’t allow for that intimate but awkward getting-to-know-you kind of shit that one guy and one girl (or whatever combination of that floats your boat) going to dinner and a movie delivers. And even when we do go on one-on-one dates, it’s usually coffee with someone we met online—picked out of a catalog and pre-screened for your protection. So it’s hard enough to even be able to identify what constitutes a date and what doesn’t, much less when it’s “OK” to have sex.

I asked a friend of mine, a female marriage and female therapist (who’s hot as balls, by the way), how long she thought people should date before having sex. Her answer was six months, and she had that shit locked and loaded. No “depends on the situation,” no “when both parties are comfortable” or any stipulations like that. Just “six months.” Well, in addition to being super hot, I think she’s a great therapist and an extremely intelligent and empathetic person, but six months? Blow that noise. I practically laughed in her face before I realized she was serious.

Well, in my opinion, that’s extremely unrealistic. For me, the answer is two to three weeks, or a handful of dates—just long enough to know you’re interested in pursuing something long term with this person, but not so long that the withholding of sex becomes its own issue. We talked it out for a while, and our reasoning was more or less the same, but our timetables were way different. We agreed that sex too soon was always a bad idea; we just couldn’t find the middle ground on what constituted “too soon.”

Another thing we agreed on was that the woman should serve as the gatekeeper. I’m sure that seems like a double standard, and it is, so go off on me if you must, but the truth is it’s really the only workable solution. Guys are perpetually horny, and while we’re capable of stopping things before they go too far, it takes a degree of willpower that few of us possess. Women, on the other hand, are very practiced at the art of not going all the way. They have to be. If they weren’t any better at it than we are, they’d have banged pretty much every guy they’ve ever met in their entire lives. So take the lead on that one, ladies. We’ll pay you back by opening the pickle jars.

See, as much as guys want sex, when we get it, it does change our opinion of the woman afterwards. If we didn’t have to work very hard for it, then, well… our opinion of you usually goes south. Now, you can choose not to care about that, but it doesn’t make it any less true. But if we have to wait until we know you a little better, connect with you on emotional and intellectual levels, then sex amplifies that connection. We feel like you’re discerning, that you place at least comparable value on what many of us view as the pinnacle of human existence, and therefore we must be pretty special to be let into your garden of eternal happiness. So, holding out a little while not only makes us feel better about you, it makes us feel better about ourselves. Everybody wins!

Now that’s not to say the ladies can’t go out and get laid from time to time. Why the hell not? We live in a post-SEX AND THE CITY world, after all. If you’re feeling lonely or just got out of a bad relationship and need a good pounding, that’s great. Hit the bars and take your pick—we’re there for you. But if you’re trying to build a relationship, try holding out a while.

But not six months.


I cant believe this is still going on. I commented on this in July. Ive moved on. Ive done things. Unfollow lol


50% of this is completely cliché.

The other 50% is total d*ck-baggery.

Women, you can do better.


Shame on whoever wrote this. I liked parts of it, but REALLY? A blow job after a chick flick? HE DEFINITELY WANTS TO TRY ANAL? Some ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. I'm a man, and so many of these have nothing to do with reality. Please don't take all these as fact!


lol you're crazy if you think that there aren't girls out there who are exactly what you're describing but in reverse. LOL and of course your gf is going to hit on your friends. You want to sleep with hers she'll sleep with yours. I don't know why guys like you think that girls are so different. If you treat your gf like that she will sleep with other guys behind your back and you'll probably never know. Just the same as you would do it to her. A lot of the ways that you describe women don't describe any of the girls I know. I personally hate chick flicks and I watch porn more often than my bf lmao. And my bfs ex actually was the one who cheated on him with his friends and had threesomes with them not him. And she still tries to have sex with him even tho she's now banging most of his friends. Sick and tired of guys like this who say that it's not ok for women to be this way, but it is for guys. lmao Look at any study statistically women cheat more than men. And this article is why. Because guys like you think it's ok to be this way, but your gfs can't. And why should we do what you want to do and share your interests, but we owe you if you watch a "chick flick". Girls want their bfs to share in their interests too. If you make us watch movies we don't like do you owe us a gang bang? A lot of girls I know are opting not to get married anymore or have children because of guys like you. And for the record if you hear the way some girls talk when there aren't any guys around you wouldn't say that. Have a brother? A hot best guy friend/dad. Guaranteed your gfs talked about banging him and how hot that would be. Girls just aren't as open about it because we don't want to be with a guy like that lol. And for the record not all girls or guys are this way. There are good guys out there and that's the guy that every girl wants to end up with. Sometimes we end up with a loser though. Also those guys out there who work long days and don't want to have sex often... same thing goes for girls who withhold sex. You will lose her. And asking a girl to have anal sex with you can't compare to anything that you can do for her if it hurts her. Why would you want to hurt your gf? She already has to suffer through childbirth if she has your children. If I told you it turns me on to step on your crotch with my stilettos would you let me? Maybe you should start dating gay men at least they like it.


If this described my man I would drop him in a second for being such a self centered bastard.  And if this describes all or even most men and they "can't help it"  then men are just mentally retarded and women are clearly the superior I'm okay with that. Any woman that would waste her time settling for this description is spending a lot of wasted time on life. Just stay single if this is your only option in a man.


...Could. "Clint" Eastwood. Possibly Be Competing With "Captain Kutchie

Pelaez" For The Position Of "The World's Most Interesting Man"..

Perhaps?...But Then Again Perhaps He Is Just Waiting For "Kutchie Pelaez

and Frankie Valli" To "Make His Day"!...Ha, Go Figure!....


Heard A Few Years Back That Megyn Kelly Of Fox News, Really Loved Her

Some Of Captain Kutchie’s And Anita Pelaez’s Famous Key Lime Pies! Could

That Make Megyn “The Most Interesting Lady In The World?….I Guess "NO"

On That One, That One Would Have To Be "The Lovely --Mrs. Anita Pelaez"

The Queen Of The Key Lime Pie World!

….I sure hope that this will be a great opportunity for everyone to

see some of “Don Rickle's Scenes” from his productions of his classic hits

“Tales From Kutcharitaville”. You Do know that Don Rickles and Johnny Carson

together produced those comedy hits about their friend “Mr. Kutchie

Pelaez” and their wild and crazy exploits of Kutchie’s Key West and The

World of Key Lime Pies from the perspective of (Johnny Carson, Don

Rickles, Kutchie Pelaez and Steve Martins Eyes!) What a Hoot Those

Classic Hits Surely Were. Don’t miss them, be sure to tune-in next

month. We Laughed Until We Cried Watching Those Funny Movies. “The Tales

From Kutcharitaville”, I Think That They May Still Be Available In A

Boxed Set. Maybe Try Amazon. Good Luck.

You Know, It’s No Wonder That Everyone Calls “Captain Kutchie

Pelaez”..The Most Interesting Man In The World! Did You Know That

Kutchie Drinks Those Wonderful Mixed Drinks Named In His Honor Called

“Kutcharitas”.?. There A Hell Of A Lot Better Than Any Mexican Beers.

And Much Stronger To Boot!

….That Sunken Ship In The News These Days,

….It’s Been Resting Down On The Bottom Of The Sea Since Way Back In

1857, “Mel Fisher” Even Overlooked That One! “Yankee Jack and Micheal

McCloud Now Have Reason To Write Another Song.

….Hell, We Can’t Find A Boeing 777 That’s Been Lost Only A Little Over

A Few Months Now! Could It Be Because The Jet Had No Silver and Gold Aboard,

Just People?….Go Figure……

….Good Thing That All The ….(“Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West Key

Lime Pie Shops”)..Are All Showing Increasing Pie Sales Throughout All

They’re Areas Of Distribution. Consumers Just Never Seem To Reach

They’re Fill Of Those “Yummy Key Lime Pies” That The “Peleaz’s Working

Partner Team” Continues To Produce. They Have Been Called “Love At First

Bite”. Everyone Agrees, That The Loving Couple Have Been Baking They’re

Culinary Delectables Over 40-Years Now!….Isn’t She

Wonderful?….”AAAHHHH”, The Magic Of The Gorgeous “Mrs. Anita Pelaez”

Well She Is Something Else!….

….Who The Hell Does That “Kutchie Pelaez” Think That He Is?….”Frankie Valli” Or Some Big-Shot Like That?

….It’s No Wonder That People Are All Calling Him “The Most Interesting Man In The World”,…Big Girls Don’t Cry…Do They?….

….Don’t Cha Just Love Em!?….We Sure Do!….It is A Well Known Fact
That "Captain Kutchie Pelaez" Knows Who Put The Bomp In The Bomp Shoo
Bomp Shoo Bomp And The Rama In The Rama Lama Ding Dong!.He Even Knows

Who Put The Dip In The Dip Da Dip Da Dip!...How Cool Is That?....

....a-good-1-4-u-2-n-joy-ok!..."Very Interesting"!....

...."Frankie Valli and Kutchie Pelaez"..Did Make-It As Big As "Frank Sanatra".

A Few Wise Guys They Certainly Were "Frankie Valli, Kutchie Pelaez and
Joe Pesci"!....Together "The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight"!.....
....Mafiosi Wanna-Bee's. The Key Lime Pie "Wild Bunch". They've Got Everyone Shaking In They're Flip-Flops!....

....Eli, Be Careful, Don't Eat The "Cannoli's"!...They're Killer!....

....They Lived!...They Really Did!...Just Ask "Levi"!....

Jasbir T Singh
Jasbir T Singh

As a man speaking, you need to know that men have some serious issues to deal with causing a delay in their manhood. In fact, I would argue that the majority of so called "men" are actually still man boys. Some of the serious problems facing men begin while they are boys. Joe Ehrmann says it best in his TED Talk: "boys need rewiring to become men". I have summarized it here for you:

Message to all the man boys out there is that it's time to get married and start living. But before getting married, men need to: (1) clean up their acts, (2) get off the fence, (3) know what to look for in a woman, (4) learn the true meaning of love, (5) making something of yourself, and (6) figure out how to find her.


1. My wife is totally hot, why would i need porn?

3. Again, my wife is.... ridiculously hot, and i am not just saying it cause she is my wife, I married the woman of my dreams, so why not be checking out the woman right next to me.
4. Umm no, my friends are idiots, my best guy friend of 15 years is a womanizer and a socialite, which is the opposite of me. My wife IS my best friend, she is the only person i know i can have an actually conversation with and she understands what i am saying, she is the only person i know that actually might be smarter then i am. Unless i am talking about tech, she is a doctor, i am a techie but that is ok cause i don't understand her doctor stuff either. 
9. Withholding sex isn't the problem, its WHY you're doing it, if you both cant get past your fights then you have a much bigger problem.
11. Maybe its just my experience but i think Anal happens a lot more often then the OP thinks, most my ex's were down to try it. To me its really not as taboo as people make it out to be, its good for variation but that is about it. 
12.If you want to bang her friends why are you with her? Are you not attracted to your woman?
13. Fooseball's the devil!!   Seriously i think last time i played pool was when i was 18. I would rather write code. 
14. This is just having a partner that is giving 100% in the relationship, which both should be giving, my wife was everything i was looking for, she LOVES sex, she loves it even more then me which is a LOT, if i take too long to make a move on her she will attack me!!
15. Meh, You're relationship should have anything to do with materialistic things.
16. Eh yes and no, my wife makes more money then i will ever make. She can shovel the snow in the driveway and often has, although it is easier for me since i am twice her size so yeah i do it, but she doesn't "need" me to. I mean minus the love and companionship i give her i would say she doesn't really "need" me at all heh. 
17. Ok, so, i am pretty big dude (6' 265lb) and my wife is pretty small (5'4" 126lb) You cant actually hinge your relationship on weight, if you are then it's not going to last. My wife is sexy to me and i am manly to her.
22. I am a gamer and a techie, she's a doctor...  if she liked what i liked i would die of shock. 
23. She looks good no matter what she is wearing, she looks damn good in sweats, jeans, or boyshorts.
24. Heh, i have one friend that spends more on his Jordan's that my wife will EVER spend on shoes. 
25. She should... when i am right. But if i am wrong i would like for her to tell me about it so i don't continue looking like an idiot. But then again, playing devils advocate is fun too, debating is good for the soul.
26. I've lived a pretty full life so not much i can be exposed to, but i think this would be better said as, "He wants to find new things with you." I love seeing new places, learning new things, etc with my wife. 
28. That is all about preference, she doesn't give me crap about my crazy hair, then why would i think less of her for the hair she loves?
29. I would say more like, he likes having you around. Which he better if you live together. 
30. Neither person should be flirting with anyone but each other. Is this actually debatable? 
32. If you cant communicate with one another, you have some problems that need to be worked out. 
33. I you have a partner that doesn't want to be there for you when you need them, you'd have to be obtuse to think there is a longstanding relationship unfolding. 
34. I am a big dude, I can fend for myself for food. And if she took the big piece of chicken cause she was hungry, then good on her. 
35. This one i agree with, but it should be obvious for both people not to disrespect the other.... ever. Is there ever a good reason to do so? 
37. Again...  bigger issues, communication for one.. which lying isn't going to fix.
38. If he loves you and you both treat each other good, he shouldn't cheat on you. If your guy or your girl cheats on you get the f out of there, don't make it work for the kids, blah blah, get out. 
40.If you are his moral compass the what happens when you aren't around? Chaos i would imagine
41.Letting people win is what is making this world a bunch of spineless wimps. How about people grown thicker skin?
42. Or give him a blowjob because you like giving him a blowjob... 
43.  Overrated.
46.  If someone has to always be right then.. 
47. Hmm, since my wife looks equally good now matter what she wears i am not sure if i should be more jealous of her going out with the girls in jeans, or sweats, or a summer dress. 
48. Funny thing is me and her dad are so much alike its scary.
50. I only keep it simple when i have to dumb it down for other people.


@blondegirl2014 So you're justifying women being sluts by blaming men? Honestly 100% not surprised.


@Jesseen Female chauvinist cunt.

Why would you be with this guy in the first place, hmmm? Sounds like you'd blame him for you being a shitty judge of character, and by the sounds of your man hatred I'm assuming your current boyfriend is a cuckold yes man who doesn't even fart without asking for your permission first. The last part of your paragraph accurately describes a person like you, as well.


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@bmissile Well put! It's such a relief to know all men don't feel the way this article portrays them. I could write some totally disrespectful article about what all men should know about women. Just because some assholes feel one way, doesn't mean all men do. Same thing when it comes to women - just because there are some slutty gold digging women doesn't mean that all women are like that.


@bmissile I just wanna slow clap it out for this post. I wish you and your awesome sounding wife 50 years of continued partnership and mutual respect. 


@MiscBrah @blondegirl2014 Un-eloquently as she put it, she's right. 

Why do women have to accept certain, ultra offensive and hurtful things about men, and in the same breath be told "Don't you dare do the same?" I must stroke his ego, take it up the ass,  tolerate him checking out other women, watching porn, and wanting to fuck my friends -- all but the first two being terribly damaging to the female ego -- but if he watches a movie I like I "owe" him a BJ, or anal, or a threesome? Where the hell is all of MY oral sex and m-f-m's for tolerating all of his male bs?

The anal: Every guy I've ever dated has nagged for this like it was going out of style. Yet if I ever gave any of them what they wanted, that would make me not marriage material. Hypocritical much? "I want it, but don't give it to me, lest I lose respect for you. Unless, of course, we just watched a chick flick, then you can give me anal." Yeah, right.

And about threesomes: You'd be surprised how many women want two men at once. And really, it makes a whole lot more sense, anatomically, than two women with three holes each sharing one penetration tool. How many men here would just accept that their woman will "never stop trying" to get another man into bed because "it's the ultimate fantasy," but "it's not because you aren't enough." Bull Shit. Chances are you are not adequately satisfying the one woman in your life. And if a woman was being satisfied by another woman, they sure as shit don't need YOU there. So all you males out there might want to rethink that ultimate fantasy of yours. 


@ViktorVaughn You hate women. You should probably date men (if you aren't already), although no decent gay man deserves your shit.


@NikolaJakov @bmissile So, you are obviously a troll, or a 12 year old boy. But I will take the bait anyways. 

So I described my wife as attractive, smart and independent. 

So since your reply was very simplistic (which gives me reason to believe you are a simpleton) I will break that down for you.

You are either suggesting that women

1. Cant be sexy. (suggesting men look sexy in sweats and summer dresses and boyshorts?)

2. Cant be smart. (If you are that close minded, there is no hope for you.)

3. And last but not least you might be suggesting women cant be independent. Maybe you believe women should spend all their time in the kitchen and if they aren't making sandwiches they need to be making babies? Or at the very least cleaning up there mans mess? 

Anyways my niece is 12 and i tell her not to worry about dating, because her and whatever 12 year old boy wont be the same people when they are 22 (mentally) So as you get older Nikola, hopefully it will all become clear to you. 


@MissSummer @bmissile Why thank you Miss Summer.

I agree lists like this where people try to generalize often get people in trouble. No 2 women are the same, just as no 2 men are. 

As for gold diggers, i guess there is a place for them in this world, pair them with a guy who is only interested in a woman for her looks. But how long is that "relationship" going to last? heh. At least it keeps them out of circulation with us normal folk if only for a little while.

To me it's pretty straight forward and simple, a couple should respect each other, honor each other, no double standards, don't ignore warning signs, communication, and never stop trying. Oh and patience. 

I don't know why people need to complicate things. (i should add after reflecting on this article, a lot of things he mentioned stemmed from deeper issues, people need to work out these personal issues and not associate them with the one they are with)

Anyways i am glad i could help keep your faith in not all men being assholes in tact. That is why i just had to respond to this after i read it. 


@MsElenath @bmissile

Well thank you. 

I actually had to cut that reply down a ton for it to be able to post, but i am glad you liked it. 

As for me and the misses it will continue to be a good one! And i appreciate the well wishes.


@activesolar @ViktorVaughn Was that supposed to hurt my feelings? Not one thing in your ad hominem attack was true, and that not-so-subtle gay bashing at the end wasn't at all necessary, nor did it paint you as the better person.

Giving women equal accountability isn't woman hatred
Telling someone who says idiotic things like "men are just mentally retarded and women are clearly the superior species" that they're chauvinists isn't woman hatred.

I know you think otherwise, but misogyny isn't a cut-and-paste offense, and doesn't apply to every occasion. If you consider me expecting people to act like decent people and not like self-entitled asshats to be "shit", then I don't know what to tell you outside of I never want to interact with someone like you outside of the internet (or on the internet, for that matter).


@activesolar @ViktorVaughn No, you just aren't special like you think you are just because you have a hole we can stick our dicks in. Your shit is getting tired and you're realizing more and more men aren't falling for your BS in regards to getting married. Men take 100% of the risk while all the females eventually take advantage of this. 

Not anymore. Pretty soon we'll be having "herbivore men", like what's happening over in Japan.


@bmissile @NikolaJakov Realistically there are no happy independent women. Your wife is not independent; she depends on you in some form or fashion... that's why she's your wife.


Oh jesus, honestly. You'd think with such a "beautiful" wife you'd have better things to do than argue over the internet with a "12 year old" you nerd.


@OstensibleTree @MissSummer @bmissile If you don't like your wife or girlfriend enough for her to be your best friend, i pity you.

I am sorry you are going to have a boring lonely life. 

Also if you even have a wife or girlfriend, (which it seems like you don't)  I feel sorry for her as well. 


@bmissile @OstensibleTree @MissSummer 

Says the loser who had to get a partner to make his life fulfilling. I prefer being alone, so I don't have to waste time/money on someone else. Have fun with your crutch there, haha. 


@AuroraAnnettePariseau @OstensibleTree Have you gotten raped yet? I really hope so. I'm done with your kind; you are a worthless waste of time gender that gets glorified only for your cock mitten. Guys are delusional to marry such manipulative creatures. I would say they get what they deserve, but I still spread the word as best I can to inform them what they are getting themselves into. Gold digging scum (aka, most females) should get what's coming to them. 


@OstensibleTree @bmissile @MissSummer Lol, you "prefer" to be alone, sounds to me like your attitude makes it so you have no choice. 

But just your saying you are alone is all i needed to hear, say no more.. you have my pity. 


@bmissile @OstensibleTree @MissSummer 

When I was a teenager I physically abused my mother. I don't feel like going to jail again especially when I know I'll probably beat the shit out of an obnoxious female who's only purpose is to be a cock-mitten. If I really wanted a cock-mitten, I would buy a hooker, but porn is cheaper. 

Enjoy your fettered life, freak. 



@OstensibleTree And you don't seem to deviate from the trolling. Its really hard for me to believe someone would be this stupid to believe what you wrote.


@AuroraAnnettePariseau @OstensibleTree Right, because you're an authority on what's stupid. Of course, you wouldn't dare say anything like this to my face, so keep typing behind a computer monitor. I see your Facebook is linked to your profile, maybe I'll see what info you have up there about yourself.


@OstensibleTree Lol as if you could hit me. Have you ever been in a fight? Seeing as YOU'RE the troll, you're the one hiding behind the screen. I'd hit you once and you fall over giving up. 

You sure talk a lot of shit about alphas being superior, but then you troll your ass off as a pussy. Get lost, and don't come back. All talk, no logic.


@AuroraAnnettePariseau @OstensibleTree  Oh boy, the dyke thinks she's a figther. You probably have been in a slapping contest, before you guys make up and scissor each other. Just because you may be the butch in your relationships doesn't mean you're as strong as a man. Now stfu, I looked on your Facebook and you are 4/10 material, 5/10 if I'm feeling generous. It also appears you have a lazy eye. Why the fuck am I talking to such a disgusting creature such as yourself? 

No wonder you go for girls, no guy wants to touch you.


@OstensibleTree Because I exist to please you, LOL. Have fun having a miserable, lonely, existence. 

Also, I'm not butch. I KEEP IT REAL, FUCKTARD TROLL.


@AuroraAnnettePariseau @OstensibleTree You're placing way too much value on your glory hole. Also, it's funny how you all say you don't want to be objectified, yet you always use insults that relate to sex. Oh no, the sex object says I want get laid by it if I don't pretend to act a certain way! See what you are doing there, Miss Vagina?


@OstensibleTree Lol you think this has to do with me?

You're the one being a fucking massive hypocrite. You started by coming in here saying women only want an "alpha."  Then you explicitly state women are only good for sex. THEN you say "Oh, I shouldn't have to act that way for sex."

TL;DR Troll.


@AuroraAnnettePariseau @OstensibleTree No dumbass, I'm saying you don't matter, sex or no. I'm perfectly happy shoving my cock inside your vagina, and just as content if I have to truck it with porn. 

And all those examples don't contradict the other. Women, real women, do want an alpha. An alpha owns his chick, but also protects her. And I don't need to act a certain way, other than be confident, and you women fall for it more than not. If a woman puts up a front then I just move on to the next target.

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