12 Things That Are Wrong With Dating Today

Paramount Pictures/No Strings Attached

Dating has never been that easy; every time you come out of a long-term relationship, it seems like all the rules have changed. Nowadays, things are way the hell out of control to the point that the thought of dying alone seems easier to stomach than attempting to navigate the dating scene.

It’s not anybody’s fault, really, and there’s also no going back. It’s adapt or die, but we can at least vent. In that spirit, here’s a list of things worth bitching about when it comes to dating.

1. Facebook.

A bunch of these points can be lumped under a social media subcategory, but let’s just start with Facebook. Okay, Facebook is great when you meet someone at a party or whatever, because it helps you maintain some form of contact if you don’t want to date this person right away for whatever reason. Of course, that’s also part of the problem. Used to be, when you got a girl’s number, you had a finite amount of time to call her or you’d blow your chance. Now, you can just friend her, send her a message or like a post every now and then and string things out till Judgment Day.

The biggest problem with Facebook is the bullshit factor. We all carefully craft how we want to be perceived by others, and then just try to live up to that image in real life. Do any of us even know who we really are anymore? Thanks, Zuckerberg.

2. Dating sites.

Back in the early days of Match.com, most of us thought that shit was for losers. Then we begrudgingly accepted it, and before you knew it, it was the only way to go. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know if Match.com is still around. I know OK Cupid took it over as the go-to site, but I don’t even know if the cool kids are doing that anymore, or if what we used to consider the laziest form of getting dates has been deemed to require too much effort. Anyway, these sites were the beginning of the end.

3. Tinder, etc.

Jesus. Talk about shopping out of a catalog. Assessing people on the most superficial level with a left or right swipe. This is what we’ve been reduced to? Sit down and count the number of people you reject in one minute. Those are actual people with, you know, hopes and dreams and personalities. It’s fine as a hook-up tool, but of course, that’s another nail in the coffin for actual dating. And dudes — enough with the selfies in your boner-packed underwear. That shit doesn’t work, and you’re making things more difficult for the rest of us.

4. There are no first dates anymore.

Let me explain what I mean as we segue out of social media. The three first things on this list have killed the first date. These days, by the time you meet somebody in person, you already know a lot about them, so the magic of learning things you have in common while developing a face-to-face rapport just doesn’t happen that often. First dates are now like third dates, which, you know, usually means you’re going to get laid.

5. There’s nowhere to meet anyone.

Back in the olden days, you could hang out in a bookstore or record store for a couple hours and strike up conversations with strangers. It was fun, because unlike going to a bar or a club, we went to these places not necessarily expecting to meet someone. So nobody’s guard was up, you could have spontaneous moments, etc. It’s a shame these things are gone. It’s weird to me that a lot of you can’t even imagine this kind of world.

6. No one really dates much anymore.

In the traditional sense, I mean. No one really knows how to define dating anymore. Hanging out and hooking up seems to be way more prevalent. Sometimes, this evolves into a relationship before you’ve even gone to dinner and a movie.

7. Courtship is dying.

I’m always amazed when I meet a woman, find a spark, and then spend a week or two with some progressive flirtation before she gives me the green light to ask her out. It’s really a nice way to develop a connection with someone, but you have to get away from your need for instant gratification. And remember, courtship isn’t a game, it’s a dance. Give it a try. Let’s bring it back.

8. It’s too goddamn expensive.

If you’re in the 1%, then good for you, but most of us live paycheck-to-paycheck and the price of things like movies and fancy dinners just keeps going up. So even those of us who try to stay retro with our attitudes on dating risk coming off as cheapskates — or going broke.

9. The bachelor/the bachelorette.

You may think everyone just sees this shit as a guilty pleasure, but you’re wrong. This kind of crap has poisoned the well and over-inflated (or deflated) our collective sense of self-esteem. Either you like me and I like you, and we want to explore where that goes … or we don’t. Neither one of us is a fucking prize to be won, okay?

10. Clubs.

Look, I’m not saying it isn’t fun to go up to some random girl and start grinding your boner against her while there’s no possibility of having a conversation, but it’s no way to try and meet the love of your life.

11. Bars.

Bars are pretty much the only venue left for meeting people in person, but it’s hard to take anyone you meet there seriously. Women get harassed by countless douche bags, and men work as hard as they can to not come off as one. Basically, there’s just too much performance. And “in a bar” is always a shitty answer when someone asks how you two met.

12. We’re all too damn cynical about dating.

We can thank social media, reality TV and assholes like me for perpetuating this problem. Yes, we have to carve through layers of bullshit to meet real, genuine people that we can actually see spending more than a couple hours with, but they’re out there. Maybe if we all just exaggerated a little less about ourselves, we might become a little more open-minded about other people. And I hate to be a party pooper, but stop hooking up so much. Damn. We’re not animals.