15 Flavors Worse Than Doritos-Flavored Mountain Dew
After PepsiCo recently confirmed that it is seriously testing a Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew, it made us wonder two things: How gross will this be, and could there be anything grosser than a soda that tastes like powdered cheese and corn chips? It turns out the answer is yes; yes, there can. Feast your eyes (but not your taste buds, unless you have an iron stomach) on the various nauseating drink flavors that have been foisted on an unsuspecting public throughout the last few years.
1. Yogurt-Flavored Pepsi
Officially known as Pepsi White, this monstrosity launched in 2008, according to Kotaku. It was intended to taste like yogurt and Pepsi, because apparently the public was clamoring for a yogurt and Pepsi combo.
2. Electricity-Flavored Vodka
ODDKA wants its customers to experience what it’s like to drink a bolt of lightning, although it’s doubtful that the delicate, distinctive flavor of having your insides fused together with a powerful blast of electricity can be replicated by an alcoholic drink.
3. Fresh Cut Grass-Flavored Vodka
This vodka is “crisp and citrusy,” according to ODDKA, allowing drinkers the opportunity to pretend they’re a dog gnawing on a tasty mouthful of lawnmower clippings.
4. Chipotle Pineapple Soda
Mmm… the sweetness of pineapple and the spicy earthiness of chipotle flavoring. No, wait, that doesn’t sound good.
5. Celery Soda
There’s nothing like a refreshing carbonated beverage flavored with celery seed. It’s like a stick of celery in a can!
6. Pepsi Mont Blanc
Do the words “Mont Blanc” evoke a snowy, alpine scene in your head? Would you associate a drink called “Mont Blanc” with something crisp and refreshing, perhaps with a hint of chocolate to honor its French roots? Well, your imagination is apparently wrong, because Pepsi Mont Blanc was flavored with chestnuts.
7. Peanut Butter And Jelly Soda
Jones Soda, maker of the infamous Thanksgiving dinner flavors, also makes a PB&J soda that looks similarly unnerving. It’s purple like jelly, but has artificial peanut flavor added. (To be fair, though, I’d definitely rather drink a PB&J soda than a Doritos-flavored one.)
8. Thanksgiving Sodas
Speaking of Thanksgiving dinner flavors, it would be rude to leave those now-discontinued sodas off the list. These five Franken-drinks included Turkey & Gravy, Green Bean Casserole and Mashed Potato sodas, for the discerning soda connoisseur who’d rather drink a butter-laden mouthful of vegetable flavor than just eat actual mashed potatoes.
9. Swamp Juice
This delightful-looking soda from Avery’s Beverages is a murky greenish-brown color; described as the company’s “most complicated formulation with over a half-dozen flavor ingredients,” it’s also described as fruity and “delicious.” We’ll have to take their word for it.
10. Salty Watermelon Pepsi
Pepsi clearly can’t resist the most tongue-curling flavor combinations; it’s almost as if they enjoy cruelly inflicting heinous new flavors on an innocent public. The company’s Salty Watermelon Pepsi, which is only available in Japan, is designed to evoke the flavor of salted slices of watermelon, and also Pepsi.
11. Cow Urine
Cow urine has a long history in Ayurvedic medicine, according to LiveScience, but does it count if it’s an ingredient in a soft drink? Apparently, it does; in 2009, Reuters reported that a Hindu organization vehemently opposed to the “corrupting” influence of Western food imports planned to launch a new soda made from cow pee. Other ingredients include gooseberry and aloe vera.
12. Buffalo Wing Soda
Sold by the folksy-sounding Lester’s Fixins, Buffalo Wing Soda is available on Amazon. The following appetizing description is intended to get people to buy it: “With a combination of spicy hot-wing flavor and the subtle acidity of an orange, you will enjoy this 12-oz bottle of liquid buffalo wings.” It’s unclear if this a promise or an order; will you actually enjoy a bottle of liquid buffalo wings with the subtle acidity of an orange, or will you choke it down with tears in your eyes while a company representative screams at you to enjoy it?
13. Tru Blood
While this carbonated beverage inspired by HBO’s “Tru Blood” is flavored with blood orange, not actual blood, it seems like it would be hard to suppress your gag reflex when drinking something that’s made to look like a blood replacement that sustains fictional vampires.
14. Key Lime Pie Beer
Key Lime Pie beer from Shorts Brewing Company is described by the Daily Meal as “light and flavorful,” although the beer’s label describes it as “beer brewed with marshmallow and lactose with lime and graham crackers added.” Lime and beer are an acceptable pairing, but add marshmallows, lactose and graham crackers and it sounds like a soggy, lactose-y mess.
15. Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout
Nope, this beer isn’t made with oysters; it’s made with good old Rocky Mountain oysters, otherwise known as bull testicles. 25 pounds of “freshly sliced and roasted” bull testicles. Although the stout was originally just a joke, it was actually created after the Wynkoop Brewing Company received an “enthusiastic” response to their 2012 April Fools’ Day video in which they claimed to have made it, and is now available for your drinking pleasure.