15 Signs You’re Obsessed With Owning A House

Universal Pictures/The Money Pit

The allure of houses is very strong. They’re one of the ultimate representations of the American Dream: a place that you own. A status symbol that tells other people you’ve made it into the exalted league of homeowners. A building that you can paint whatever crazy color you want. If any of the following things on this list apply to you, however, there’s a chance you may be more obsessed than usual with the idea of owning your own house.

1. You watch way too much HGTV.

You’re a veteran of shows like “House Hunters” and “Love It or List It.” You tell no one about this.

2. You can instantly describe different styles of houses and which ones you do and don’t like.

“I’m really not a fan of the Craftsman style; it’s a little ornate and old-fashioned for me, although I’d prefer it over an American colonial. Now, if we’re talking about Spanish colonial, that’s a whole different story. Can I offer you some opinions on crown molding?”

3. You like to look at other people’s houses.

When you walk inside someone’s house for the first time, it’s hard not to run your hands over every surface like Gollum caressing his ring. When you go to the bathroom, you admire the sink, shower and fixtures; when you step into the kitchen, you make a mental note to find backsplash tile exactly like that someday. You hope no one notices that you’re sizing up the house and taking notes on your phone.

4. You take note of cool houses you’ve driven by.

Your friends or significant other might think you’re crazy because you’re always making comments about how much you love certain houses and how you’d love to own one like that someday. They might also think that you’re casing the joint because you plan to rob it.

5. You occasional Google real estate in your area… just to look.

You just want to get an idea of the current market prices. There’s nothing wrong with that!

6. You have a bookmarks folder titled “future house.”

In this folder are links to various decorative items, storage solutions, pictures of houses that you like and other things that you’re too embarrassed to show to other people.

7. You’ve perused cabin porn more than once.


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When anyone sees it in your Google history, you have to explain that it’s not what it sounds like.

8. You’ve also collected a reliable list of sources related to tiny houses.

Since a real house is so far in your future, maybe in a year or two you can just buy a tiny house! Everything will be folded and stacked inside everything else, and it’ll all be perfect and rustic and wonderful. You and your possessions will surely fit inside an abode that measures 200-800 square feet.

9. When you watch shows like “House Hunters,” you know exactly what to expect.

There’s always one person who’s more willing to take risks, while their partner insists on a house just like the one they grew up in. Few houses are ever within a couple’s price range. There will always be one person who focuses on irrelevant shit like the paint color or the current furniture. You find yourself talking to the TV and yelling things like, “Just repaint it if you don’t like the color!”

10. You started saving money for a house as soon as you graduated from college.

Even though you knew it probably wouldn’t happen for another 10 years or so, you started saving anyway.

11. You’re an expert on different kinds of floors.

You already know that you want bamboo in most of the house, because bamboo is light, easy to clean and naturally antimicrobial. It’s also a renewable resource! However, sometimes you think that maybe artificial laminate floors are the way to go… or maybe some vintage tile in the kitchen. There’s no need to overthink it; you have options.

12. You envy people their awesome kitchen counters.


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When you see a really nice granite or marble countertop, you want to steal it, or at least take pictures of it and get one exactly like it.

13. You have a mental list of architectural details you want in your future house.

Perhaps it’s as simple as a fireplace; it could be as complex as vintage tin ceilings and a kitchen dumbwaiter. Either way, you’ve thought long and hard about this list, and may have written it down so you can whip it out at a moment’s notice and tell people exactly what your future house is going to look like.

14. You have long, angsty conversations with yourself about how much utilities will cost when you own a house.

You know you’ll be ready someday, but it’s going to be hard. You’ll just have to make sure you’re making a realistic salary and have realistic expectations of how much different it’s going to be than just paying for utilities in an apartment. You pump yourself up with motivating thoughts about you’ll do a great job of handling all these adult things. You look forward to the challenge.

15. You’re already familiar with how mortgages work.


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Those future banks think they can take advantage of you? They’d better think again, because you know exactly what kind of mortgage to get. No one’s going to con you into getting an adjustable-rate mortgage; no way. Future you will be more prepared to buy a house than any other house buyer in the history of buying houses.