16 Thoughts People Have When Threatened With A New Operating System
It’s one of the most terrifying first-world problems: You’ve just gotten comfortable with your new operating system and arranged all your apps and icons exactly the way you want them… then a new version is released. Whether it’s for computers or smartphones, you know it’s going to be a mild disappointment and a huge inconvenience that will either crash immediately or spend months frustrating you with its shinier, more user-friendly design that is somehow about five times less user friendly. You also know that there will be a long period of anger, denial and bargaining in which some variation of the following thoughts will go through your mind until your inevitable acceptance of the new OS.
1. This Looks Different. I Don’t Like It.
You fear change. Familiar things are comforting; new things are not.
2. How Long Can I Keep My Old One?
Quick! Immediately begin panicked Google searches and text everyone you know with increasingly frantic questions about something they don’t know anything about, either!
3. I Will Pay Money To Keep Everything The Same
Maybe there’s some way you can keep your current operating system (FOREVER). You’re not sure if you should contact Windows, Apple, Google, the devil or the ghost of Steve Jobs (preferably by Ouija board), but no matter what it takes, you’ll make this happen.
4. No One Likes Simplicity
If this is simplicity, you don’t want it; in fact, you want something more complicated and technical, because you were promised impressive advancements in technology and this looks nothing like technology.
5. Maybe This Is Just A Test
Once you’ve proven your worth, you will be given a newer and better operating system. There has to be a better version out there.
6. Maybe I’ve Stumbled Into Another Dimension
This will all turn out to be some weird modern-day “Twilight Zone” episode in which you learn a valuable lesson before being returned to your own time and place so you can warn everyone else about the horrors that might occur if they aren’t more careful with their operating systems.
7. This Is Not Intuitive
It’s supposed to be “more” intuitive, yet somehow it feels less so. You wonder if this means you’re now an old person or if this new OS just sucks and was not actually designed by humans.
8. My Eyes!
The shapes and/or colors of the new icons are burning your retinas. They’re either too big, too small, too bright or too tile-shaped. It’s all so wrong.
9. What Else Will It Take Away From Me?
Those who have gone from the sweet comfort of Windows 7 to the horror of Windows 8 know that there’s always a long period of bargaining followed by anger that lasts for months. If an operating system can take away the basic simplicity of a desktop, what else can it take away? Your keyboard? Your mouse? Your friends? Your goldfish? Your dignity? You can’t trust this thing.
10. This Isn’t A Big Deal. This Is Not A Big Deal.
You can totally handle this, you tell yourself as you clutch a pencil so hard it snaps into splinters. This will not have any effect on the rest of your day. Nope, not at all. It can’t get to you.
11. This Is A Huge Deal
You cannot and will not let this go.
12. I Wonder If Anyone Else Likes This
In order to find out if you’re the only one being driven temporarily crazy, you need to complain to everyone you know so they can commiserate with you. It won’t help, but at least you’ll feel less confused and alone. If they don’t commiserate with you, make a mental note that their opinions are not to be trusted.
13. I’ll Never Trust Technology Again
This inanimate object has betrayed you; you’ll never let your heart get broken like this again. You’ll never open up and let another operating system get close to you. You’re cynical and jaded now. Love is for suckers.
14. I Should Get A New Phone/Computer
You spend about an hour looking up different models before being forced to admit that everything else is either too expensive or even worse than the thing you already have.
15. I’ll Accept This, But I Still Won’t Like It
Grudgingly accepting your fate, you wait for the inevitable day when you finally get used to this new OS and they release a new version a week later.
16. I Can’t Wait For The New One
Maybe this was their game all along: Release something terrible so everyone will eagerly snap up the next version with all its super-cool new technology. You’re onto them! And you’re ready to eagerly snap up the next OS.