20 Feminist-Approved Catcalls

20th Century Fox/Office Space

Catcalling has become a questionable practice as of late. More and more women are speaking out against the catcall, saying it makes them feel objectified and even unsafe. Others even go so far as to claim it as proof of an unbalanced power dynamic between the sexes.

I can see where they are coming from on some of it, but at the same time, how are you supposed to meet women if you’re not allowed to approach them as strangers? Back before we sequestered our love lives into the Tinder matrix, that was the only choice we had. Is a street corner all that much different than a bar? Plus, what happens when it goes too far and men get totally shamed out of ever approaching women, and the human race eventually ends? There needs to be a middle ground. We need a way that women can feel safe and empowered, while guys can keep the thrill of that “hunter instinct” alive.

Here’s 20 things you can say to a woman on the street that even the staunchest of feminists can’t get mad about:

1. “Babe, you are so equal to me.”

2. “Damn, you look spiritually/mentally/physically strong.”

3. “If we went on a first date I’d totally be OK with your father being present. Which isn’t my way of saying your father owns you. I’m just saying it might be reassuring to have him there. Not that he has any say or control over your body, of course. I’m just saying he can come.”

4. “There’s so many great women throughout history.”

5. “It’s not, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” They stand next to each other… and it doesn’t matter who’s the president!”

6. “Is it me, or do the first ladies all stand for really good causes?”

7. “How much do you make a year? I’m gonna be so pissed if I hear it’s less than me.”

8. “I totally wouldn’t be nervous if you drove my car, and I sat in the passenger seat.”

9. “My body is so sore from all of the domestic duties I do around the house. Men really need to wake up and help out.”

10. “If I was Santa Claus I wouldn’t let you sit on my lap. Instead I’d stand up, shake your hand and tell you to use your natural abilities to go and obtain everything you want in this world, because you don’t need me to bring it to you.”

11. “Ne-Yo is my favorite recording artist because he always sings about independent women rather than crooning about their booties. Not that there’s anything shameful about women with ample rears. The female body is magnificent, and I swear I’m not a pervert.”

12. “Did you see me just punch all of those construction workers back there?”

13. “Who’s Louis CK? I only watch female comedians. Guys just aren’t that funny for some reason…”

14. “I see you don’t have much body hair, but I’d so be fine with it if you ever decided to sprout some.”

15. “It’s true that I’m a bad boy. Though only in terms of my rage against the patriarchal hegemony we currently exist in today.”

16. “Who do you admire more: Amelia Earhart or Joan of Arc? Never mind, don’t answer that. They’re both really inspirational women.”

17. “I don’t know about you, but Arya Stark is definitely my favorite character from ‘Game of Thrones.'”

18. “Abortion is rad.”

19. “Women really are the better communicators. Seriously, how do you guys do that?”

20. “If we went to the movies, I wouldn’t open the door for you. Instead, I’d go through first so I could lean against it and provide resistance, because I know you have what it takes to get through despite me trying to stop you.”