24 Things Women Don’t Understand About Men
Well, turnabout’s fair play and all that. While there are plenty of things men don’t understand about women, there are just as many things women don’t understand about men. The prime difference being that we don’t necessarily understand most of these things, either, we just don’t question them.
1. Why We Can’t Put The Toilet Seat Down
We try to remember. We know you hate it when you plop down on an open toilet in the middle of the night and get your vagina wet—believe me, we know. But the thing is, we’re just on autopilot while we’re urinating. Flip the seat up, let it go, flush (if you’re lucky), and leave. Sorry about that.
2. Why We Can’t Bear To Hear About Your Periods
Look, it’s nothing personal. It’s just that to us, there’s just nothing good about periods (well, except for one BIG thing). We’re not allowed to stick it in you, you’re cranky, there’s bloody stuff in the bathroom trashcan. We’d rather pretend it just doesn’t exist.
3. Our Inability To Remember Details
It’s not that we can’t remember shit. Of course we can. It’s just that we don’t place the same importance on the same things. We’re great with sports statistics and movie quotes, but when it comes to your friend’s baby’s name or what you were wearing on our first date, well…
4. Guy Code
“A man gotta have a code,” as Omar Little said. And while most of us don’t worry about which drug dealers are okay to rob, we all have strict dos and don’ts that we will never violate. We don’t bang each other’s sisters, we keep our friends’ infidelities a secret, we back each other up in fights. What women don’t understand is how we can stick up for our buddies even if we don’t agree with the morality of it all. Guy code isn’t judgmental, it just is.
5. Our Need To fix Things
Sure, it’s easier to just call the landlord, but that’s for girls. We like the opportunity to break out the toolbox and repair (or at least attempt to repair) anything that’s broken. Towel rack came off the wall? Easy. Toilet’s running? Probably need a trip to the hardware store (Bonus!).
6. The Hilarity Of Farts
How can you not like a nice, loud tooter to punctuate a point you’re trying to make? Or slipping out an SBD in a crowded room? Or shoving your head under the covers for a good old-fashioned hot box? It’s the height of humor.
7. Our Obsession With Gadgets
We like electronics. We like buttons. Even if it’s the most useless shit in the world, we want it and will spend hours playing with it.
8. Why We Try To Get You To Break Up With Us
This is on the darker side, because we know it’s not really fair. But men just don’t do emotion like the ladies, and when we do have to deal with it, we’re much more comfortable reacting, rather than instigating. So we act all mean and distant until you break up with us. Is it right? No. Does it work? Yes.
9. Why We Have To Adjust Our Junk So Much
Hey, things move around down there. There’s chafing, squeezing, pinching, all kinds of shit like that. So spare me the eye roll. You try walking around with that thing, see how you like it.
10. Our Inability To Multitask
Women are better multitaskers than men—that shit is scientifically proven. But there’s also plenty of data out there that suggests multitasking might not be all that great, anyway. Yes, we’re impressed with your ability to do ten things at once, but when we set out to do something, we give it one hundred percent of our attention and make sure it gets done right.
11. Why We Take So Long To Take A Shit
If you want something done right, you make sure you put in the proper time. It’s beyond us how you get the job done so fast.
I don’t understand why women can’t understand how great sandwiches are. I mean…they’re sandwiches!
13. Why We Have To Be Barbecue Masters
This obsession is handed down from generation to generation, especially if you’re from the suburbs. Maybe we’re just trying to live up to our dads. It doesn’t matter. This is one that doesn’t need to be understood, only enjoyed.
14. Our Love Of Boobs
What’s not to get? Boobs are awesome.
15. Why We Say We’re Gonna Call… Then Don’t
I can’t tell you how many times at the end of a chemistry-free date, I’ve told myself “Don’t say you’re gonna call her.” But I say it almost every time. I can’t help it. It’s like a reflex. To us, telling you that we don’t want to see you again is way meaner than just blowing you off. See? We’re just trying to spare your feelings.
16. Why We Hate Shopping So Much
Shopping for men is never the whimsical good time depicted in countless ‘80’s movie montages. It’s boring. And annoying. And expensive. Just pick something, already.
17. Our Competitiveness
We like winning. It’s been instilled in us since birth. And you really shouldn’t criticize—some women are just as competitive as men (although to be honest, we consider it a masculine quality). Losing to your buddy at pool isn’t so bad, but losing to your girlfriend? That bugs the shit out of us, no matter how enlightened we are.
18. Video Games
We know you think they’re childish, but these days, most of them really aren’t. I can understand that you might not want to watch me play GRAND THEFT AUTO V for three hours straight, but do you really not understand the enjoyment we get out of them? It combines our love of action movies with our love of competition. Just let it go.
19. Keeping Our Emotions Bottled Up Is Actually A Good Thing
You can blame society, testosterone, or both, but men convert all negative emotions (such as sadness, embarrassment or jealousy) into anger. When we’re going through puberty, we either want to fuck or smash pretty much everything we come across. By adulthood, most of us can tamp it down—we want to be civilized. But you really don’t want to open that door. You might as well release the Kraken.
20. We Like Getting Compliments Too
And flowers. When’s the last time you sent your man flowers?
21. Why We Can’t Ask For Help
Because we can do everything ourselves. We just need a little more time.
22. Our High Threshold For Filth
We leave our dirty socks on the floor, there are science experiments in our refrigerators, and the mold in the bathroom is becoming sentient. You call it “disgusting,” we call it “homey.”
23. Why We Must Have Meat With Every Meal
Meat is good. It’s delicious and gives us plenty of protein. Besides, you know that tofu raises your estrogen levels, right? As much as we like boobs, we don’t want a set of our own.
24. Why We Don’t Think About The Future
Men like to live in the present. We have goals—all kinds of goals, really. Most of us want to be successful in our professions and relationships, but we’re more focused on what we can do right now to achieve those things. So don’t expect us to have our kids’ names already picked out and stuff like that. That’s your thing.