7 Red Flags Of Relationship Incompatibility

Universal Pictures/Forgetting Sarah Marshall

It can be incredibly confusing to determine whether or not you are compatible with another person. A heaping, messy assortment of factors — including careers, kids, living arrangements, past relationships, fears and even pets — can alter a relationship(Yes, I’ve actually seen cats jeopardize serious relationships). And while many couples can and have overcome the below issues, it’s important to realize when things are going south. If you find yourself checking off all or most of the points below, it’s definitely time to decide whether to fix it or make a run for it.

1. Your Values Differ

Perhaps the most ominous sign in a relationship is when a couple starts to realize their values are quite different or even conflicting. If one of you is a Fortune 500 owner and the other is a certified Reiki master, you may end up wanting and needing completely different things. A 2003 study showed that the strongest indicator of long, happy marriages was congruence in basic values. Thus, while opposites may attract, there may be too much polarity to keep them together in the long run.

2. Your Conversations Have Run Dry

Lively conversation isn’t something we need all the time. Quiet time is healthy and necessary. However, too much silence can become a problem. If you find that you are unable to share things with your partner, get feedback or listen when he or she confides in you, your relationship is already in danger. Communication keeps couples interacting in harmony and understanding. If discord arises, it’s always better to hash it out rather than let issues linger under the surface.

3. You’re Always Agitated

When a relationship begins, it often seems impossible to pinpoint your partner’s flaws. But as time goes on we become aware of the good, the bad the ugly and the really weird. While being annoyed at times is inevitable, especially if you live with your partner, constant annoyance is a bad sign (And no, knocking him out isn’t an option).

4. You Don’t Laugh Anymore

Yet another bummer of a sign that your relationship has gone south is a lack of laughter and fun. These typically come about naturally when we’re in the company of people we enjoy, but if you find you can’t share a laugh with your partner, it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship. If the simple fact is that you’re both stressed or exhausted, you may be able to remedy the problem. However, it may be tougher if you are harboring resentment or anger toward each other. All relationships, romantic or not, exist to provide us with support and happiness. Thus, if you are no longer giving and receiving those things, something’s wrong.

5. You’re Not Getting Any Action

Yes, you saw this one coming. Sexual issues can be complicated, but they can also be dealt with as long as each person is willing to be fair and understanding. While many argue that relationship intimacy declines naturally over time, that doesn’t mean that no intimacy whatsoever is normal. If intimacy has tapered off entirely, this is a sign something is amiss. It can also open up the opportunity for partners to grow apart or meet other people, sometimes unintentionally.

6. Everyone You Know Is Telling You To Leave

Surely our friends and family don’t always know what’s best for us, but in situations like these it’s often easier to see clearly from a distance. You are smack in the middle of the relationship and blinded by all sorts of feelings, fears, biases, etc. So if every outsider you know is hinting that they don’t approve of the relationship, you should at least consider why that might be.

7. You Feel Relieved When Your Significant Other Is Not Around

This is likely one of the easiest questions to determine whether or not your relationship is on the rocks: Do you like spending time with him? Do you tend to have more fun without her, even when it’s just you hanging out by yourself? Sometimes our subconscious minds give us feelings of which we aren’t entirely aware. If you immediately feel free, relieved or in a better mood when he’s gone, you probably have a deeper belief about the relationship that is causing the negative feelings.