Decoding The Language Of Online Dating: What She Says vs. What She Means

It’s hard to master the art of writing an online dating profile and sending messages that will attract another person. You need to sound confident without sounding arrogant, smart but not superior and fun but not out of control. In other words, the art lies in toeing the line between being honest and portraying that honest self through the filter of yet another online social platform.

That’s exactly why these things can be so difficult to interpret… so I figured I’d give you a hand in translating online dating speak to plain English. Here are a few common phrases you’ll see in a woman’s online dating profile or in the messages she sends you, and here’s what they tend to translate to IRL:

She says: Where do you live?

She means: What kind of guy are you, how much money do you make and will I ever want to make the trek to your apartment late at night/ the journey back early in the morning?

She says: Yes, I’d like to get a drink with you sometime.

She means: I’m contemplating maybe meeting you but in the meantime let’s chat a little bit more so I can feel more comfortable that you’re not a psychopath serial killer.

She says: I’m looking for short-term dating or long-term dating.

She means: I’m looking for a guy who’s looking for more than just a hole (or three).

She says: I’m normally shy, but I can get wild.

She means: I might not warm up to you, so I don’t want to promise anything, but I might get drunk on our first date and you should be prepared for that.

She says: I’m sick of all these douchebags, and I’m looking for a real man. [And she’s under 25.]

She means: Something really shitty has happened to me because of a man/men so you better not fuck with me, OK?!

She says: I’m a social drinker.

She means: I just got out of college, where being social at all requires a minimum of two nights of binge-drinking a week.

She says: I’m looking for something new and exciting to do in life.

She means: I’m still in love with my ex.

She says: I’m usually hanging out with friends on Friday nights, doing whatever.

She means: We get stoned and watch Netflix.

She says: I’m looking for someone who’s ambitious and has a head on his shoulders.

She means: I’m looking for someone who has a job — like, a full-time job. No more artists/delivery boys.

She says: I’m open to having sex on a first date.

She means: It’s not like I’m definitely going to have sex with you on our first date, so you better not take it that way.

She says: I’m organized and tend to plan ahead.

She means: My calendar is my own personal gospel. If you are more than five minutes late for our first date, I am leaving. OK, fine, I’ll give you 10 minutes.

She says: I’m the kind of person who lives life to the fullest.

She means: You’re going to have to do karaoke with me someday.

She says: I love meeting new people.

She means: I’m willing to meet you.

She says: I’m a dog person.

She means: If you don’t like animals, you’re as a good as a bonafide sociopath in my eyes.

She says: I’m not into drama.

She means: I’m actually in the middle of a text message “screaming” match (all caps) with my “best friend” right now and her idiot boyfriend because of something I don’t even want to get into right now because I am NOT into drama.