Ex-Giants Jared Lorenzen Is Still Playing Quarterback Despite Weighing 320 Pounds

by Joe Long
Posted in Sports 4 Feb 14
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Image via Twitter/Ky1eSc0tt

Remember Jared Lorenzen? Oh, you don’t? Some great football fan you are. You don’t remember the Hefty Lefty? J-Load? The Pillsbury Throwboy? The Round Mound of Touchdown? Gather round, boys and girls, and I’ll tell you a story. The year was 2004, a quarterback named Jared Lorenzen was buried on the depth chart of the Giants. In 2006, he got his big break and was named the backup to Eli Manning. He wasn’t much of a quarterback, but was brought in occasionally to run a quarterback sneak (twice.) Was he fast? Not in the slightest bit. While with the Giants he was listed at around 275 pounds, probably because they didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

The NFL is a tough place to be an undrafted free agent, let alone one who is a left-handed quarterback. Or a 300-pound-ish quarterback. So, J-Load rode off into the sunset and moved on home to Kentucky. But, he didn’t hang up the pads: he put on some bigger ones and suited up for the River Monsters of the Continental Indoor Football League.

Except now he’s a bit heavier than his NFL days. Here’s a Vine of him scrambling from the slowest pass rush in the world and delivering a throw downfield, complete with some incomprehensible Kentuckian commentary.

Now listed at about 320 pounds, this quarterback is bigger than practically all of the linemen blocking for him or trying to tackle him. Unfortunately the River Monsters had to let go of their nutritionist, so here we have J-Load looking to the sidelines for some nachos.