We’ve all wanted to do it. Every girl you’ve ever dated has had a friend that you wanted to nail. But we don’t live in a Naughty America video, and having sex with friends of girls we’re dating is a freaking mine field, not to mention pretty douchey. After we break up, though, those friends are fair game. But it’s a delicate operation.

I was once dating a girl who had a friend—let’s call her Amy—who was hot as the center of the freaking sun. She never seemed to have a boyfriend, which I always found kind of odd. She wasn’t wild or slutty and she didn’t seem crazy, although she was pretty high-maintenance. Anyway, she and I always had a pretty flirty relationship, which Amy would take a little too far sometimes when she was drunk, and that would piss my ex off to no end. Never bothered me, though. Usually, on those nights, it was Amy I’d picture while my ex and I were going at it.

So, when the relationship ended, I decided I needed to make the fantasy a reality. And I succeeded, too. Here’s how I went about it.

First of all, this isn’t a short game. It takes patience and persistence, so be prepared to put in the time and effort.

A lot of people will tell you that you should unfriend your ex on Facebook, but I’d advise against that, especially if you’re trying to bang one of her friends. You don’t want to risk her unfriending you out of loyalty to your ex. Social media has made this sort of thing a lot easier than it used to be, and you’ll need all the tools at your disposal.

The first thing you’re going to want to do is “like” a couple of her postings and pictures—not too much, don’t be a stalker. All you’re doing is maintaining contact with her. Eventually, you’ll find some reason to actually contact her. For me, it was her birthday. I sent her a generic, “Happy Birthday, Amy!” message and the next day, she sent back something along the lines of “Thanks! Hope you’ve been doing well.” And the ball was officially rolling.

I knew that one of the things Amy liked about me was my ability to make her laugh. So, feeling that her response to my birthday wish was an open invitation to communication, I’d type out a funny comment on her posts every once in a while. They have to come off as harmless, though. Remember that your ex can see all this shit, too. If you come on too strong on Facebook, she’s going to ruin it for you.

Now’s the point where you’re going to move off the public forum. Hopefully you have her phone number, so maybe you can text her from time to time. “Hey, I’m going to such-and-such a place with some friends. You should stop by.” If she does, great, if not, that’s fine too, because you weren’t going to try and score with her that night, anyway. You’re still greasing the wheels.

Eventually, our communication got to the point where I felt I could get a little risky. After a couple harmless texts back and forth, I sent her one that said something like, “You know, I really miss hanging out with you.”

No response. Radio silence for days. I thought I’d blown it.

But eventually, she called me up. After a little small talk, she told me how “weird” my last text made her feel. I assured her there was nothing to feel weird about. I missed a lot of my ex’s friends. “Hey, how’s she doing, by the way?” I asked as if I gave a damn. By the end of the conversation, she agreed to meet me at a bar for a drink. And this was it. Training was over. It was game time.

After a little talk about my ex and her current activities, I found the opportunity to say, “You know, she was always jealous of you.” Amy knew exactly why my ex had been jealous of her, but she feigned shock. “That’s ridiculous,” she said. “Not really,” I said. “I always did have kind of a crush on you.”

Now, this is one of those times when the fact that women tell each other everything can work in your favor. Because yes, my ex complained to Amy about what a terrible boyfriend I had become, but earlier in the relationship, she was telling Amy all about what great sex we were having. It’s like having a letter or recommendation.

For the next hour or so, I tried to keep the conversation centered around the fact that we were both single and both attracted to one another, and that just because I used to date a friend of hers, it wouldn’t be wrong to act on those feelings.

And then we were doing it at her place.

I had never worked so hard to get laid in my entire life, but it was totally worth it. And the greatest thing about it, was that there was no way we were going to end up in a relationship together. It was just about the sex and we both knew it. It couldn’t go any further or she’d risk her friendship with my ex. We did it a handful of times and then called it quits.

So there you have it. Don’t flip that around, though and use the strategy to go after your buddies’ exes. Men can’t do that kind of shit to each other. We have a code.