There’s no doubt about it. Having to wear condoms is hands down, by far the absolute worst thing about being single. Nothing else even comes close. Riding bareback isn’t even an option for me unless I’m in a relationship, but goddamn it, sometimes I wish I wasn’t so responsible.

You know how when you’re making out with a chick and things start getting all hot and heavy? You start thinking to yourself, “Hey, I’m about to get laid, here,” and then you have that internal debate whether to suit up or not. You’ve got an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, and they’re both presenting some really solid arguments.

“A condom is your best defense against sexually transmitted diseases,” the angel says. “HIV, Herpes, Chlamydia, Hepatitis…you don’t want to have to deal with any of that, do you?”

“Yeah, but it feels better without one,” the devil counters.

“What if you get her pregnant?” the angel asks. “Are you morally prepared to be involved in an abortion? And even if you are, is she? If she’s not, you’re going to be a father, and then you’ll be tied to this girl for the rest of your life. And sure, she’s pretty cute, but she’s kind of dumb, isn’t she? Not exactly the woman you always imagined starting a family with.”

“Dude,” the devil says. “It feels so much better without one.”

In the heat of the moment, the devil is always more persuasive, and he’s preaching truth. Besides, not only does it feel better to go without, it’s kind of a buzz-kill to put a stop to the proceedings just when they’re getting really good so you can put on your jimmy-hat. But that’s when you have to knuckle-up and let the head on your shoulders do the thinking for once. It’s the right thing to do—for you, for her, and for your future. It’s the price we pay for being single. If something didn’t suck about it, we’d probably never settle down. So, we’re stuck with them. Might as well try and find a bright side.

You can try to incorporate it into the foreplay, but that rarely works for me. Asking a girl to put it on for you can backfire. One time I was with this girl who was really good at it—better than I was, in fact. And she was proud of it. Some guys might like that, but not me. How many dicks did she have to practice on before she became such an expert? I don’t even want to know.

I knew a guy in college who said that he actually preferred wearing condoms. His argument was that blowing his load was the best part of sex, and when he had a rubber on, it meant he didn’t need to pull out first to do it. And that’s a solid reason, I guess. In spite of what all that porn you’ve watched has taught you, it feels much better to bust your nut inside her than on her tits. But to me, sex isn’t just about the orgasm. Sex is more like a road-trip to me. Getting there is half the fun.

Also, some guys benefit from the decreased sensitivity that comes with wearing a condom, giving the woman time to get off herself (it’s not all about you getting your rocks off, fellas). So there’s another positive.

Anyway, they’re all we got, so there’s no use in complaining too much. Bill and Melinda Gates are supposedly working on a better condom. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.