Here’s another one for all the young guys out there. If you’re on the wrong side of thirty, like I am, the title of this article should go without saying. You should never even encounter a virgin, much less get the opportunity to sleep with one. If you do, there’s either something seriously wrong with her or she’s way too young for you. Find another girl. Okay?

Alright. Now that all those old fuckers are gone, let me educate the rest of you a little bit.

It’s easy to think of virgins as the ideal. That’s why the leaders of Muslim terrorist groups are able to convince all those guys to kill themselves for the cause—the whole 72 virgins thing, or whatever it is. Anyway, we like to be the first to do things, right? We want the territories we conquer to be unspoiled. Especially when it comes to women. We don’t want to have to imagine some other dude between our girl’s legs, pumping away until he drops his load on her stomach. It’s just how it is. We don’t like it. But honestly, that’s something that comes out of insecurity, and guys like you and me aren’t insecure, right?

Besides, this need for the previously un-entered vaginas isn’t in our wiring. This is something we learn through our societal mores and customs. And those are woefully outdated.

Many years ago, sex was something only married people did. Then it became something you could do with your girlfriend if you were dating long enough. Then came the sexual revolution, which knocked down a lot of walls, then the AIDS scare, which built them back up. Now, sex just really isn’t that big of a deal.

Except for the first time. Especially for girls.

By the time a guy loses his virginity, he’s probably popped his top hundreds if not thousands of times. But it’s doubtful that a female virgin has ever had a real orgasm. And…here’s a news flash for you, buddy. You ain’t gonna be the one to give it to her. At least not that first time. In fact, odds are, she’s probably not going to enjoy it at all. And honestly, neither will you. Neither one of you is going to be that good at it. I know you think you’re the man and all that shit, but trust me…you’re not.

Sex starts to get really good only when you figure out how to please a woman, and I promise you, there is no pleasing a virgin. All she wants is for it to be over as soon as possible. She’s not going to start enjoying it until she figures out what turns her on, and that’s going to take a few goes.

So don’t worry so much about being the first guy a woman sleeps with. Worry about being the best guy she sleeps with. That’s the one she’s going to remember.

And if virginity’s really that important to you, there’s always anal virginity. That’s a little more realistic goal to have, anyway.