Facebook has really had a huge impact on the way we handle our relationships, hasn’t it? I hate that fucking “relationship status” thing.

About a week or so after my last big breakup, my ex called me because she wanted me to know that she was changing her relationship status to “single” and wanted to know if I had any problem with that. I told her of course not. The truth was I did have a problem, but not for the reasons she thought I would.

No, I had a problem with it because it meant I had to do the same thing. I didn’t want to make that kind of announcement, but if I just left it up that was still in a relationship with her after she had changed her status…it just felt pathetic.

So I opened up my laptop and did the deed. Almost instantly, I was flooded with “Aww…” comments and frowny-face emoticons. It’s so fucking obnoxious. I don’t know about you guys, but I actually don’t necessarily want every single person I’ve ever met to know these kinds of details about my life in real time. The fact that some dude I went to high school with feels the need to tell me what he thinks of my recent breakup is just ridiculous to me. Boundaries, people.

So the next time a girl turned into my girlfriend, she changed her status to “in a relationship,” and expected me to do the same. She dropped hints for a while and I pretended not to get them, so after a while, she flat out asked me to do it. I told her to forget it. I told her I was done with the whole thing and that I wasn’t changing my relationship status again unless I got married.

Well of course she took it personally, and we got into a big fight about how I was ashamed of her or afraid of commitment or whatever she thought my problem was. And it was hard to come to my own defense, because what am I going to say? “When we break up, I don’t want people commenting about it on my home page?”

I held my ground and she seemed to more or less accept the fact that I wasn’t going to change it. But a little while later, she started in on it again. It was like she didn’t feel like the relationship was valid unless it could be authenticated on Facebook. I mean, holy shit.

So, I ended up breaking up with her. Can you believe that shit? A relationship ended because of Facebook’s relationship status. I don’t know if that’s irony, but it’s something.