Have you ever been dating a girl for a while and then noticed one day that you have a hell of lot in common all of a sudden? I mean like a scary amount of stuff. Your favorite bands, movies and TV shows have become her favorite bands, movies and TV shows. She’s been working her way through all the books on your shelf. She’ll sit on the couch and watch you play video games or watch baseball for four hours. Wherever you go or whatever you do is either your decision or what you would’ve chosen if it were. It feels like you’ve found the perfect girl. You’re a match made in heaven. It’s awesome, right?

Wrong. Oh, so very wrong.

I hate to break it to you, buddy, but that’s not the ideal woman you’ve found. No, that bitch is crazy.

Don’t feel bad. It’s not your fault for not seeing it. You were blinded by the joy of doing everything you wanted all the freaking time. It’s like having a best friend that you also get to fuck. Except even your best friends aren’t into every single goddamn thing you like, are they? No, of course not, our individual interests and tastes are what make us the unique little snowflakes we are. So what makes you think that it’s for real that an actual girl is taking an interest in your fantasy football league and/or your comic book collection? That shit ain’t normal.

Don’t believe me? Watch how she behaves around her friends. She acts differently around them than she does when it’s just you and her, doesn’t she? Yeah. See, it’s not just you. She does that with everyone.

Here’s the deal. This girl needs to be liked. Not in the same way we all need basic human connection, either. It’s everything to her. I’m no shrink, so I don’t know how she got that way, and I don’t really care, either, but because of this intense need to be accepted, what she does is she adapts her personality to whoever she’s spending her time with, and it doesn’t matter if it’s you or some other asshole. The only thing she likes about you is the fact that you like her. And she has crafted herself into what she thinks is your ideal mate. You think you’ve been the dominant partner in the relationship, but in fact you’ve been manipulated. Sorry.

I really want to warn you about this, because I dated a girl like that for a long time because I was too stupid to see what was happening and let me tell you, that shit ended badly. Breaking up with a crazy girl is dangerous enough after just a few dates, but when you’re breaking up with one you’ve been dating for months or even years? Shit, I felt lucky to get out with my life.

Anyway, I thought it was a one-in-a-million type thing, just another girl’s own distinct brand of craziness, but a couple years later, I found myself dating a girl who was doing almost the exact same thing. So, evidently, it’s a type.

Now, it’s perfectly normal to take an interest in the interests of someone you like, so keep things in perspective, but if it feels too good to be true…well, you know the rest.