Survey: Men Say ‘I Love You’ Sooner Than Women

Survey: Men Say ‘I Love You’ Sooner Than Women


As just about any issue of Cosmo will tell you, guys are commitment phobes, right? That’s how it’s always been. Women have to use their feminine wiles to lure their hearts into submission. Adages such as, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free,” weren’t just spontaneously coined, right? Not necessarily, according to a study conducted by UK firm YouGov on behalf of eHarmony. The research found men—not women—are more prone to falling in love quickly and likelier to commit sooner.

The study found men are less likely to be “commitmentphobes” and instead are often “commitmentphiles,” with 33 percent of respondents agreeing to “meet the parents” in the first month of dating, compared to just 25 percent of women. And men, on average, expressed their love to partners 88 days into the relationship, compared to a long 134 days for women. In fact, 39 percent of the men surveyed said the L-word within the first month of dating, compared to just 23 percent of women. Way to make ‘em wait, Ladies.

But here’s where the survey gets a little murky… Thirty-three percent of men surveyed said they moved in with their partners within the first month of dating—probably not the best idea… But since it takes two to tango… wouldn’t that have to be the same for women?

And who says guys are horrible at remembering dates? A huge number—77 percent—of men surveyed said they remembered when they first told their gals, “I love you.” Although only 5 percent remembered the first time they held hands. Come on, now, give them a break. What are we, in seventh grade?

When it comes to jumping in the sack, 58 percent of men and women said they waited less than three months (respectable). But while 43 percent of men said they had sex within the first month, only 36 percent of women admitted it—somebody’s lying…

On the bright side, younger people are more conservative than you might imagine. Respondents between the ages of 18 and 24 were the slowest of all age groups to hold hands (again with the hand holding) and kiss. But they were also fastest to consider themselves “exclusive,” with 39 percent claiming they were “going steady” after just one week. Hey, they’re not sleeping around… that’s a good thing.

Some issues with this survey: If YouGov only surveyed eHarmony members (and I haven’t been able to confirm that one way or the other), the results are going to be skewed. Think about it, people who are seeking partners through online dating—although there are a lot of them—are probably going to be lovey-dovey faster than people who meet at a bar or Starbucks, simply because they are specifically looking for a relationship. They already have love on the mind. I imagine dudes on eHarmony as the softie type that have been passed over for years because they’re kind of weak, and so yes they are likelier to say the L-word quicker than the women on the site—who I envision as hard-core career people who didn’t have time for relationships in the past or ladies who have been burned before. Supporting my theory: YouGov did a similar survey in 2009 for Stella Magazine, with some pretty different results. In that survey, 80 percent of women were looking for long-term relationships, compared to just 60 percent of men; and 20 percent of men said they would have sex on the first date, while only 6 percent of women would give away the milk for free so soon—28 percent said they would wait until the fifth date or later.

Samantha Lile


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