The 15 Worst Things To Say To Introverts

Columbia Pictures/The Social Network

Introverts and extroverts have their own ways of doing things. It’s been proven that their brains are wired differently and that while extroverts enjoy stimulating environments, introverts need more time to recover from what they perceive as an overwhelming rush of overstimulation. Sadly, society has yet to catch up to science, and introverts often find themselves the subject of well-meaning questions and observations that are in no way helpful, like the following common remarks.

1. “You Never Talk”


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First of all, introverts totally talk, because they’re people. Sometimes they even talk a lot! Second of all, accusing someone of never talking is not likely to make them start talking to you; it’s more likely to make them walk away and start talking to someone else.

2. “Why Are You So Quiet?”

Introverts are often overwhelmed by crowds. Often, their definition of a crowd can be as few as four or five people. They’re probably trying really hard to get their brain to calm down so they can act normal; drawing attention to them by asking questions like, “Why are you so quiet?” is only going to make them feel more on edge and flustered.

3. “Just [Fill In Activity Here]; What’s The Big Deal?”

For those who are best able to function one-on-one or in more quiet, less stimulating environments as a result of their brain chemistry, having someone get in their face and ask them to justify their reasons for being uncomfortable is similar to walking up to someone and demanding that they explain why their hair is brown, as well as implying that brown hair is a stupid thing to have and they should just get over it already.

4. “You’re No Fun”

You know what’s not fun? Being constantly put on the spot by people who demand that you prove how fun you are. Introverts aren’t necessarily less social or interested in fun than extroverts; they just need more time to recover from intense social situations and sometimes get anxious about having to attend too many events because they know they’ll get tired, cranky and overwhelmed.

5. “I Don’t Think You Know Anyone There”

Telling an introvert that you’re taking them to a social event at which they won’t know anyone? This is what they’ll hear: “I’m taking you to hell and I expect you to enjoy yourself.”

6. “I Don’t Understand Why This Is Such A Big Deal For You”

If you have an introverted friend that you talk to like a puppy that can’t understand it’s not supposed to pee on the carpet, perhaps you should rethink your approach.

7. “There’ll Be Plenty Of People There You Can Talk To”

This is code for “Everyone else already knows each other and it will be impossible for you to start a conversation with someone.”

8. “I’ll Be Right Back”


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“I’m just going to leave you here alone with your feelings of social inadequacy.”

9. “You Need To Be More Outgoing”

Wait, really? That’s all I need to do? I HAD NO IDEA.

10. “Relax”

Sure thing! As soon as I’m done climbing the walls and clawing my own face off with anxiety, I’ll get right on that.

11. “We’re Looking For Outgoing Employees Who Are Comfortable With Public Speaking”

This implies that not being outgoing is a symptom of dangerous social degeneracy and that being uncomfortable with public speaking should be punishable by the offender wearing a large red letter like Hester Prynne.

12. “You’ll Need To Give A Presentation”

You might as well tell an introvert that they’ll need to build a submersible by hand and descend into the Mariana Trench, which is actually something they’d probably rather do than speak in front of a large group of people.

13. “He/She Thinks You’re A Bitch/Asshole Because You Don’t Talk To People”

There are much gentler ways to let a person know that they’re disliked without totally crushing their spirit; perhaps it’s not even necessary to mention this at all. Just because introverts don’t interact with people in the same way as extroverts, it doesn’t actually mean that they’re robots with no emotions.

14. “You Should Be More Of A Team Player”

Like Emperor Palpatine hissing at Luke Skywalker to join the Dark Side, informing an introvert that they need to be a team player is akin to telling them that their doom is imminent and that you’re going to torture them with lightning bolts if they don’t bend to your will.

15. “You Don’t Like People, Right?”

Most introverts like people a lot, but usually in smaller doses, and only if they never say any of the things on this list.