Tweets Inside Goldman Sachs Elevators
Are the investment bankers at Goldman Sachs a bunch of egotistical assholes? Apparently so, according to the tweets from @GSElevator. The Twitter account has been feeding us the good, the bad and the ugly—mostly ugly—spoken inside the elevators of Goldman for the past couple of years. With 991 tweets heard from Goldman elevators in New York, London and Hong Kong, the account has built a following of 424,183… and growing. It’s truly unbelievable some of the garbage spewed by these jackasses… and fucking hilarious.
[Analyst drinks] #1: If I could choose between world peace and a reasonable fortune, my first Lambo would be orange.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) October 18, 2012
#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa loves rich kids more.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) December 3, 2012
https://twitter.com/GSElevator/status/278775970318671872
#1: Nothing is more succinct and articulate than just doing the jerk-off hand motion.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) December 15, 2012
The anonymous creator of @GSElevator spoke to the New York Times in 2011 and explained he or she began the Twitter account for amusement during the summer lull while the market volatility kept the capital market transactions to a minimum. Plus, even though people generally dislike Wall Street professionals, they really have no idea how shallow they actually are. While @GSElevator would not reveal his or her identity—for good reason—the tweeter is a career banker in a front-office, revenue-producing, client-facing role. Although the first several tweets were conversations heard directly, after the Twitter account caught on, a lot of the tweets are now submissions.
No matter who @GSElevator really is, we thank him or her for sharing the absolute bull shit overheard in the Goldman Sachs elevators.
#1: Dude, she's the piñata of Christmas parties. Always gets smashed, and anyone can hit it.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) December 20, 2012
#1: It seems fair. My wife would leave me if I lost my money. And I'll trade her in if she gets fat.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) January 4, 2013
#1: Insider trading is like pissing in the pool. It sounds dirty, but really isn't that big a deal.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) January 18, 2013
#1: Who the fuck gets nervous in an interview? I'd talk about myself all day.
#2: I've got fat-chick-in-a-tube-top confidence.— GSElevator (@GSElevator) January 21, 2013
#1: Legal abortion turns 40 today. Dane Cook turns 41 in March. So close.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) January 22, 2013
#1: Hey, do you have change for a $20? #2: $20's are change, bro.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) January 26, 2013
[Classic] #1: My 1st wife was vehemently pro-life until my girlfriend got pregnant.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) January 28, 2013
Skirt#1: My 7yr old daughter finally met my ex-husbands new girlfriend, so now I have to explain to her what a cunt is.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) March 14, 2013
#1: The fact that the new Pope loves the poor and hates contraception is a great formula for more poor.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) March 14, 2013
#1: You don't feed wild animals b/c they become dependent and can't fend for themselves. How's it different for poor people?
— GSElevator (@GSElevator) March 17, 2013