Ask yourself this question: How long could you live without smartphone apps?

“That’s a stupid question, you stupid woman,” you say. “I lived plenty of years without apps and I could do it again.”

What about all of those handy apps that keep track of your schedules or find you rockin’ gas prices? How about that one that blocks the fifteen phone calls from your ex-wife every day? What about that one that saved your ass when you got lost once in the middle of unfamiliar territory? Sure, a desktop computer could do some of these tasks, no problem. But what if you’re nowhere NEAR one? You’re screwed. You’re doomed to forever wander the desert because you threw away all of those old-fashioned maps years ago.

In a recent mobile app behavior study, 82 percent – yes, percent – of people who answered indicated they had an app they couldn’t live without. That makes sense to me, especially if you use your phone for navigation, or to check and see if you have money to party that night. But HELL no, people don’t say they can’t live without THOSE apps. 57 percent of respondents said they couldn’t live without email apps, 41 percent said they couldn’t live without Facebook, and 31 percent said they couldn’t live without an alarm clock app (obviously you could choose more than one answer on this question, because those numbers obviously do not add up to 100 percent).

REALLY PEOPLE. REALLY. 41 percent of you can’t live without FACEBOOK? Facebook. That’s your go-to app that you couldn’t survive a single day without? Please, kill me now.

At least the sampling for this survey done by Apigee was fairly small. It only surveyed a little more than 750 folks in the US, UK, Germany, France and Spain. That makes me feel a little better-but not a lot- since those statistics came from SEVERAL countries and not just one stupid nation.

Here’s the kicker that really makes you want to gag a little: 85 percent of people said they would rather go without water than their apps. Do they even know that they’re MADE of water, and dehydration will cause death? Do they not teach this crap in schools anymore? No water means no life. So people are saying they would rather die than give up their applications. Good luck checking your email from six feet under, friends.

You might think there’s just a bunch of smartphone junkies in the US, but you are mistaken. Spain is the most app-addicted country. Nearly 95 percent said they would not make it through the day without apps. Yep. Go Spain.

I think all this really just says the world is changing significantly more than anyone expected it to with the introduction of smartphones. They’re changing the world, and it’s not some slow process. Once Blackberry hit the market, and people realized they could take Internet with them everywhere, they did. And then people started expecting business people to be available via email at all times. And then BlackBerrys weren’t good enough, and the iPhone came out, and then it really was all over. The rate of change is astronomical, and even as a tech-savvy young woman in her 20s, I have some serious trouble keeping up with all of it. It’s just a lot of information and you have to be constantly connected to keep up with it. Still, I KNOW HOW TO PUT MY FREAKING PHONE DOWN FOR SIX SECONDS WHILE I’M EATING FOOD (16 percent of US citizens said they couldn’t do the same).

Maybe all of these people will kill each other off. Over half of respondents say they surf their precious apps behind the wheel, and that’s a number that’s consistent through all countries surveyed. Later, suckers. I’ll see you on the other side in 90 years.