@GSElevator Offers Advice For Goldman Sachs Summer Interns

Goldman Sachs received more than 17,000 applications for its investment banking summer internship program this year. And a lucky 350 bankers in training made the cut, taking part in a lucrative program that begins with an orientation session to teach interns about Goldman “culture,” as well as the benefits and responsibilities of being a member of Goldman Sachs, said Goldman president and COO Gary Cohn.

But one Goldman insider has a different set of advice for the chosen students. The creator of the uber-popular Twitter account GS Elevator Gossip recently posted a blog entry offering words of wisdom for the summer interns from his own point of view.

The advice is just as cynical and hilarious as @GSElevator’s tweets, including tidbits on how to make good with senior employees, such as:

  • If your boss smokes, smoke.
  • If you went to a decent boarding school, subtly find out if anyone who matters went to the same school.  Boom, he’s your rabbi.  At this point, no one cares about college credentials; it’s a given.
  • Buy a decent suit or three, but don’t wear a tie unless you have a meeting. No one likes that kind of kiss-ass.
  • Bank a female intern.

The entry also explains how to shine compared to fellow interns:

  • When a fellow intern leaves his desk, change his screen to rolex.com, Porsche.com or morganstanley.com.
  • Come up with dismissive nicknames for fellow interns, such as Chico, Fredo or Bubba, and hope they catch on.
  • Change fellow interns’ Email signature, adding white font or any variety of obscene words.
  • Always repeat racist jokes in the proper company and be sure to credit “the other intern” who told you.

Plus, there’s a list of behaviors interns simply cannot engage in, because they “have to earn it.

  • Don’t wear Hermes ties.
  • Keep your shoes shiny, but don’t let anyone see you having your shoes shines.
  • Acknowledge the quotes from Caddyshack or Fletch, but don’t make any yourself.

And of course what might be the wisest advice:

  • Don’t talk in the fucking elevators.

Of course interns who aren’t offered a permanent position needn’t worry, “There are plenty of Vineyard Vines wearing, New Canaan commuting, Morgan Stanley name-dropping ‘rainmakers’ waiting to pick you up and dust you off,” @GSElevator mused. “Not making the cut at Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You’ll still probably make millions, but it’s just not the same.”